Things Overheard at a Student Art Show

All of the following are real conversations faithfully transcribed.

Please to enjoy:

Stomach

Guy with a Fauxhawk: Next time though, I really want to make it more shocking.

Girl with a lot of tattoos: Well we could always do "Stomach."

Guy with an ironic shirt: What's 'Stomach?'

Guy with a Fauxhawk: That's the one where we use that cement tubing, paint it pink, drill holes in it and lead everyone into a central chamber. And wait until someone realizes that it's a model of a human stomach. As soon as someone says the word 'stomach' we spray water through the holes at them.

Girl with a lot of tattoos: With acid.

Guy with a Fauxhawk: Yeah there's a lot of acid in the water.

Guy with an ironic shirt: And then what happens?

Guy with a Fauxhawk: We go to jail probably.

Girl with a lot of tattoos: It's part of the piece.

Guy with an ionic shirt: I love it.

You've never heard of The Cremaster Cycle?

Boyfriend: This one reminds me of The Cremaster Cycle.

Way cute Girlfriend: Hmm?

Other Girl: I know right? Its like, 'Ok, we get it, you like Matthew Barney.'

Boyfriend: Ha ha. I saw a huge exhibit on that at the Guggenheim actually. It was pretty great. I didn't know it was about testicles though, until I'd been there for about an hour and a half.

Other Girl: Ha ha! It's all about balls dude!

Way cute Girlfriend: What are you guys talking about?

Other Girl: Did you know he's like practically married to Bjork?

Boyfriend: I thought they just lived together.

Other girl: They have a kid I think.

Way cute Girlfriend: Wait, go back, what is this?

Boyfriend: I'm breaking up with you.

An 'A' For Effort

Probably a Teacher: It's too bad we weren't able to get it to spin.

Female Student: I'm surprised how many people were upset by it. It's totally tongue in cheek.

Probably a Teacher: Controversy is good. Controversy sells.

Female student: I guess…Have you ever seen Deepthroat?

Probably a Teacher: You don't want to call something 'beauty, that's a 4 letter word around here- The Watergate thing or the porno?

Female student: Either.

Big Shots

There is no denying it, FunBox is becoming a big deal. So big in fact that we have to start considering that very important question. Who will play us in the FunBox motion picture the most certainly chronicle our rise to stardom, tragic but inevitable fall, our even more inevitable return to stardom, and our struggles as we took the system head on and won, changing the world forever one heart at a time.

So start debating. Who should play Matt, Paul, and Will in the FunBox movie?

My first Job in Hollywood

It’s my first job in Hollywood; and it’s exactly the way I imagined it!

INT. BACKLOT SET - DAY

Happy 1950’s style music is playing. The Director, MR. JOHNSON is roaming the Set making sure everything is Just right for the big scene.

MR. JOHNSON
Hm, looks like we could use a few more rainbows in that dream machine! Don’t you think so Jimmy!

JIMMY
(Salutes)
Yes sir Mister Johnson!

MR. JOHNSON
(To another P.A.)
Hey and don’t you think this place could use just a little more fairy dust?

P.A.
(Gives a thumbs up)
Whatever you say Mr. J!

MR. JOHNSON
And how are we doing on that tinsel?

ME
Oh actually the Tinsel guys just called
they said they were going to be about 15 minutes late.

MR. JOHNSON
OH FUCKING TYPICAL! THIS IS FUCKING TYPICAL! WHERE’S SAM! IF I DON’T SEE SOME GODDAMN TINSEL IN THE NEXT 2 MINUTES SOMBODY’S GOING TO BE OUT OF A FUCKING JOB!

FADE OUT.

Insert - 10 HOURS LATER...

We see an exhausted Me slowly walking out to the parking lot. Dejectedly I get on a unicorn and ride it out of the studio and onto the Highway. It is packed with other unicorns and moving very slowly. There is a lot of unicorn smog.

Fronier House - Synopsis

Have you ever wondered what life was really like for pioneers living in the American West during the late 19th century? Could a modern-day family handle an earlier time's lifestyle?

Week 1
Man: It was a simpler time back then.

Woman: I think people were closer to nature. Today, with all our distractions we tend to forget how beautiful mother nature can be; It's wonderful

Man: Yeah, it feels so good to work with your hands.

Week 2
Man: Well one thing I will say: The food is sub-par.

CUT TO Montage of woman waking up 2 hours before dawn, cooking until noon, and her resulting shitty, shitty food.

Woman: You will eat and enjoy this biscuit, Goddammit! (She bursts into tears).

Week 3
Man: It was interesting to see how they made wagon wheels.

Woman: (Has meningitis)

Week 4
Man realizes that all human history before the 1920's had racism so rampant that even different kinds of white people found reasons to hate each other, they decide they don't like “the Irish.”

Woman realizes that few people went 'un-raped.'

Aftermath
Man and Woman get divorce. Child learns to live life missing a hand.

I don't think I've ever seen more poignant proof that everyone who lived before 1987 was completely miserable.

fires, drivetimes, and killer moths: oh my!

Why is it that Los Angeles is pretty much always on fire nowadays, but people are still moving here trying to "make it"? What would it take to discourage them? Why move to a place that's literally burning as you're driving into town? The odds of being a star are probably lower at this point than the odds of being set on fire!

Those of us already in Los Angeles are no better. We mostly just post "neat" fire pictures on Flickr and also complain about the traffic. The true meaning of a natural disaster here is how it effects your work commute. If Mothra were attacking the west side tomorrow, the biggest topic of conversation would probably be how annoyed people were cause they had to take Sepulveda north instead of the 405.