President Baby

One of FunBox's good friends and star of 'Astounding Tales of the Hunt' Asterios Kokkinos, has just put up quite an entertaing look at so called Hollywood Pitchfests. These are events where people pay many to get feed back on their scripts from 'real producers.' He wanted to see if he pitched some of the worst movies ever if the producers would blow smoke up his butt or tell him the truth. The results are a true delight. The name of his site (and the title of one of the best pitches) is President Baby. Check this shit out.

Big Shots

There is no denying it, FunBox is becoming a big deal. So big in fact that we have to start considering that very important question. Who will play us in the FunBox motion picture the most certainly chronicle our rise to stardom, tragic but inevitable fall, our even more inevitable return to stardom, and our struggles as we took the system head on and won, changing the world forever one heart at a time.

So start debating. Who should play Matt, Paul, and Will in the FunBox movie?

My first Job in Hollywood

It’s my first job in Hollywood; and it’s exactly the way I imagined it!

INT. BACKLOT SET - DAY

Happy 1950’s style music is playing. The Director, MR. JOHNSON is roaming the Set making sure everything is Just right for the big scene.

MR. JOHNSON
Hm, looks like we could use a few more rainbows in that dream machine! Don’t you think so Jimmy!

JIMMY
(Salutes)
Yes sir Mister Johnson!

MR. JOHNSON
(To another P.A.)
Hey and don’t you think this place could use just a little more fairy dust?

P.A.
(Gives a thumbs up)
Whatever you say Mr. J!

MR. JOHNSON
And how are we doing on that tinsel?

ME
Oh actually the Tinsel guys just called
they said they were going to be about 15 minutes late.

MR. JOHNSON
OH FUCKING TYPICAL! THIS IS FUCKING TYPICAL! WHERE’S SAM! IF I DON’T SEE SOME GODDAMN TINSEL IN THE NEXT 2 MINUTES SOMBODY’S GOING TO BE OUT OF A FUCKING JOB!

FADE OUT.

Insert - 10 HOURS LATER...

We see an exhausted Me slowly walking out to the parking lot. Dejectedly I get on a unicorn and ride it out of the studio and onto the Highway. It is packed with other unicorns and moving very slowly. There is a lot of unicorn smog.

Hey you! Let’s get famous together!

These days, probably the most important thing in the world when judging a person is whether or not that individual is famous. The famed are better than the rest of us, and are thus allowed live by a different set of rules.

Then there’s you and me: one cares if we’re hired, or fired, or tossed out of an airplane. No one would mind if we were attacked by bears, or eaten by sharks, and if you and I happened upon some sort of mythical beast and it devoured our flesh? Well people wouldn’t give a friggen rat’s ass about that either. Because we’re not famous, and no one gives a damn about us and our not-fame!

That’s right. You and I are the furthest thing possible from famous, and thus don’t even merit the air we breathe. In fact, I’ve been holding my breath a lot lately. Have you? I know! We’re supposed to nowadays, because otherwise we’d be taking up all that air for the famous, and you and I definitely don’t fit into that category. Have you been cutting back on water too? I haven’t seen us in a flashy magazine. Photographers don’t hide in our bushes and harass our loved ones. So it seems we’re not important. I think there’s like a law where we have to practice conservation to preserve our limited resources for the famous community: community to which we most definitely do NOT belong.

Come to think of it, not being famous also means we’re also probably not supposed to be dreaming. Who’s to say there’s not a set amount of dreams to go around? If that’s the case, won’t we get in trouble if any of our nonfamous hopes, goals, or wishes get in the way of the big important exciting ones of the famed set? Won’t we get yelled at if our struggles for meaning, happiness, and love interfere in any way with a famous person’s exactly identical but infinitely more important ones?

So yeah, I guess you and I only have two options. We could refrain from living our own lives and make extra sure to fixate upon theirs, all the while knowing the famous are the best people possible and acknowledging that they are like us only more special, more human, and more sculpted of divine. Or we could go with my other plan.

I was thinking: let’s just go kill somebody. Killers are like the most famous people of all! And if anyone deserves fame it’s us. So how bout it? Let’s just go kill somebody. It’s about time that we got special too!

Hollywood Writers’ Strike Replacement Shows

Pimp My Grandfather
Guests trick out old broken-down family members using the latest, most high end medical procedures including: heart valve replacements, blood transfusions, skin grafts, and whatever it was that made Barry Bonds hit all those home runs. Then they're taken to L.A.'s hottest clubs to see who truly is the most pimp grandfather of all.

Death Factor
Contestants who agree to be shot receive a small financial incentive.

Trading Spaces Al Anbar Province
Insurgents and US military forces swap roles for a day, and redecorate each other's bases of operations in an effort to better understand of each other's lifestyles. Instead though, they mostly plant bombs to kill each other for laters.

Feed CC202A
Security camera monitoring the Ralph's parking lot located on 260 South La Brea Avenue.

New Episodes of Mind of Mencia
Despite the strike, Carlos will still be able to continue stealing material from everyone who performs at The Comedy Store.

Botulism Island
Volunteers are marooned on an island where their only resource is dented cans.

NFeLephant
Documentary chronicling one pachyderm's dream to play starting linebacker for the Oakland Raiders. Bobo's followed the sport since being a wee child (weighing just over 400lbs), and vows he'd play the game for peanuts.

Single Family Double Dare
Children without fathers or mothers compete win bicycles, gaming systems, and the love of Marc Summers.

Women in Bikinis Watch Reruns of Cheers: The Show
Expected to be a ratings home run and a major reason why studios will refrain from pursuing good faith negotiations with the writers.