Did you Guys Crap in My Trash Can?

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Did you Guys Crap in My Trash Can?

In ep. 01, of "The Many Adventures of Baldric and Balthazar," Paul teaches his house guests the finer points of using the bathroom.

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"Did you Guys Crap in my Trash Can?"

Thanks to a vortex, Paul is visited by two fops from the past.

Joke

Doctors were astounded this month as high school student Jessica Terry diagnosed her own case Crohn's Disease while studying slides in her high school science class....

...Unfortunately her HMO doesn't cover high schools so now she owes Ms. Welch $48,000 out of pocket.

Scientific American Covers

I don’t know if you know this, but there are only 3 covers to the magazine Scientific American. One is a picture of a Black Hole or Starry region of space with a grid superimposed on it (to represent our universe) with a provocative caption like “Strange Space: Could our Universe be shaped like a Condom?”

The second has a Neanderthal or old looking skull and the caption says something like, “Shadows of the Past: New evidence suggests our ancestors may have leased apartments.”

And the third is a picture of a cell or Double Helix and the caption is always “KILLER CELLS: New Ways to fight Superbugs!” verbatim.

Very occasionally they have a mushroom cloud and the caption is unrelated “World’s first nano-guitar built.” Those are weird.

John Helldeath: The Depths of Reason pt. 4

John Helldeath could barely think with the high velocity winds whipping around him. Yet, John Helldeath was never a man for thinking when action could get the job done. His time was short, as the ground below him was growing closer, and the airplane that he had been dropped out of, farther. All he needed to do was find a way to break the binding that held him securely to the chair, and then slow his descent so he could land safely. He maybe had thirty seconds before he would be just another stain on Mother Earth's face. "Think damn it!" he yelled to himself.

A plan formulated in his head. "Perfect!" thought John, "But won't old Mr. Pennyworth be disappointed that I won't be needing his funeral services yet another time." John smiled to himself picturing the old funeral director's sour face at seeing Helldeath survive another mission. Mr. Pennyworth had given John a lifetime supply of black suits in exchange for promising to have his funeral with him. It would be the funeral of the decade and ensure big business for the stingy Mr. Pennyworth. With precision timing and pinpoint accuracy, John put his plan into effect. After landing safely, John brushed off his complimentary black suit and smiled.

Movies we'll be seeing soon

With Hollywood already making films based on children's books, comics, video games, board games, toys, TV shows, other movies, card games, and astrological events, I didn't think it was possible that there was anything left to rip stories from and repackage as two hours of moving pictures. Then I went to Vegas and saw Hollywood's next frontier: slot machines. Here are a few films I think we'll all be watching soon:

Sun & Moon
Since the beginning of time, Sun and Moon have been bitter rivals. In their last epic struggle, a cocky Sun set the Lunar System ablaze as he managed to win up to 50 free games. Now, as the Great Cycle passes, a blue Moon patiently masses his Mayan armies and plots revenge.



Whales of Ca$h
John Whales just inherited some cash. A lot of cash! Suddenly he's a jerk and a braggart, wearing a top hat everywhere he goes, and using a bag with a dollar sign in lieu of a wallet. But when his pal Crabby overdoses at one of his famous parties, and buds Clam and Squid are too afraid after the incident to even talk with him. John soon learns that it takes more than cash to buy back friendship.



Game King: Multi-Denomination
The Unseen Game King is back seeking retribution for his last defeat 10,000 years ago. Can Robert Crayton, a linguist from Oxford, unlock the mysterious transmissions coming from the Multi-Denomination, a place in space-time far beyond our universe, to discover the secret to defeating the mighty Game King in his lust for vengeance? In this world, there's no room for error, as malfunction voids all plays.

John Helldeath: The Depths of Reason pt. 3

John Helldeath’s head is pounding like a machine gun is firing non stop in his cerebral cortex. He winces as his eyes adjust to the bright lights of… where is he? The last thing he remembers is kissing Lana – the kiss! He can still taste the quickly departing flavor of Brazil nuts on his lips, the signature trace of knockout lipstick. Reaching up to wipe it off, he finds his hands tightly bound behind his back using his own shirt. He struggles against the knots, his bare muscles bulging and glistening from the strain, but it is no use. John silently curses his excellent tastes and the high quality of manufacture in his shirt. He can’t stay angry though, that’s just the price he is willing to pay for buying American made products.

“Stop bothering to struggle John. I believe you will find it to be quite without merit,” quips the devastatingly hot Lana McFalcor. “I should never have trusted you Lana McFalcor,” sneers John. “That’s Lana McFalcor Cartel,” corrects Lana! “No! It can’t be.” “That’s right John Helldeath, you might have thought you knew everything about me, but I hope now that it’s clear that you do not. You see, when my father Dr. McFalcor went missing, the only person willing to help me was Derek Cartel, brother to Lance Cartel, and my future dead husband! You have no idea how hard it was for me to watch you kill my brother in-law Lance Cartel moments ago, but it was all worth it as now I will be finally able to find my father and have revenge on you.” Lana dangles the sparkling Eye of Golan in front of John. Furious he curses her, “You stole the Eye of Golan while I was passed out! Damn you!” “It’s time for us to say goodbye John Helldeath,” Lana tells John with a hint of remorse in her voice. She leans in close, “This is for my dead husband.” Lana slaps John hard across his face, “and this is for my father.” Lana kiss John on his lips with tongue, “Goodbye John.” Lana goes to the side of the room and pulls a lever. The floor slowly begins to open up. John quickly realizes that he is in an airplane and he is about to fall to his death!

To be continued…

FunBox for your ears

Hey remember that time Matt saved an old lady from falling down the stairs and then she yelled at him for being a Jew? Well Matt does, and he told us all about it today as FunBox is interviewed on Ten Minutes with Andrew and JJ. We're featured on their podcast every day this week so check it out!

http://www.andrewandjj.com/

It is the Nature of Intelligent Life to Destroy Itself

I got that quote from Wikipedia’s page on the Fermi Paradox.

Since we only have one example, it’s impossible to know how likely it is for intelligence to evolve on an earthlike planet. But maybe the reason we haven’t yet found intelligent life elsewhere in the cosmos is because smart things quickly kill themselves off.

Think of how close we came to killing every human being on the planet during the Cuban Missile Crisis. That was when only two countries had nukes. As technology improves it’s only going to get easier to manufacture such weapons.

Also we might drown in our own waste.

… Ok no more reading Atomic Rockets, The End of Faith, and Wikipedia after 11:30 for me.