Things Overheard at a Student Art Show

All of the following are real conversations faithfully transcribed.

Please to enjoy:

Stomach

Guy with a Fauxhawk: Next time though, I really want to make it more shocking.

Girl with a lot of tattoos: Well we could always do "Stomach."

Guy with an ironic shirt: What's 'Stomach?'

Guy with a Fauxhawk: That's the one where we use that cement tubing, paint it pink, drill holes in it and lead everyone into a central chamber. And wait until someone realizes that it's a model of a human stomach. As soon as someone says the word 'stomach' we spray water through the holes at them.

Girl with a lot of tattoos: With acid.

Guy with a Fauxhawk: Yeah there's a lot of acid in the water.

Guy with an ironic shirt: And then what happens?

Guy with a Fauxhawk: We go to jail probably.

Girl with a lot of tattoos: It's part of the piece.

Guy with an ionic shirt: I love it.

You've never heard of The Cremaster Cycle?

Boyfriend: This one reminds me of The Cremaster Cycle.

Way cute Girlfriend: Hmm?

Other Girl: I know right? Its like, 'Ok, we get it, you like Matthew Barney.'

Boyfriend: Ha ha. I saw a huge exhibit on that at the Guggenheim actually. It was pretty great. I didn't know it was about testicles though, until I'd been there for about an hour and a half.

Other Girl: Ha ha! It's all about balls dude!

Way cute Girlfriend: What are you guys talking about?

Other Girl: Did you know he's like practically married to Bjork?

Boyfriend: I thought they just lived together.

Other girl: They have a kid I think.

Way cute Girlfriend: Wait, go back, what is this?

Boyfriend: I'm breaking up with you.

An 'A' For Effort

Probably a Teacher: It's too bad we weren't able to get it to spin.

Female Student: I'm surprised how many people were upset by it. It's totally tongue in cheek.

Probably a Teacher: Controversy is good. Controversy sells.

Female student: I guess…Have you ever seen Deepthroat?

Probably a Teacher: You don't want to call something 'beauty, that's a 4 letter word around here- The Watergate thing or the porno?

Female student: Either.

Your Boring, Boring, True Ghost Stories

Spoooky!

I don’t know about you but I’m always bored by ‘true’ ghost stories, they never end the way they should. It’s never “Suddenly the house started shaking, there was this terrible screaming noise, and BLOOD started pouring forth from the walls!”

No it’s never like that. It’s always “I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked… There was nothing there!” Really?! I saw nothing in my apartment the other day! It’s coming for me now!

I guess part of my problem is that when people tell their particular ghost story ‘that really happened to them’ (or their cousin) the story seems to be full of phrases like “and then I was really scared.” Dude, you’re supposed to be scaring me, not talking about what a sissy you are! Unless the person telling the story winds up being a ghost themselves, and them telling me the ghost story is, in fact, a ghost story in itself, I tend to be unimpressed.

And is it just me or do the Ghosts always do lame things? “And none of us remembered moving that spoon there.” Ghosts, can you please just murder someone for once? Or at least, like, grab a boob! I remember when I was visiting a friend at NYU there was a story going around about a ghost that moved a poster from one side of a room to another. Although if I was a poltergeist that was stuck in a dorm room for all eternity I bet I’d get pretty sick of the same picture of Jimmy Hendrix being posted up every semester too.

I’m also incredibly bored by the ‘little English girl wearing a nighty’ Ghost. How many times have we seen this girl in movies? Let’s not forget these classic lines “Are you mad I am you’re daughter!” “You’re all going to die down here” and “I’m the reaping!” she’s almost as bad as the ‘I look like I did when I was murdered’ ghost. I know you were murdered and everything, but would it kill you to change your shirt?

Maybe you have a ghost story that isn’t lame. If so, please share. Feel free to embellish and exaggerate as much as possible, points for originality.

Hello I am a Cute College Girl Checking my Myspace!

Hello I am a cute college girl checking my Myspace! Please click on me because I am totally real. You can tell I am real because I am not so super hot as to clearly be an advertisement, yet still cute enough to grab your total attention.

Oh, ha ha ha! Something I read on screen made me laugh!

I’ll grip this pillow tightly. Is it because I am cold? Or am I lonely? Either way if you were my real boyfriend you would keep me warm. It’s a real possibility that you would become my boyfriend if you clicked on me.

Don’t I seem fun? Remember when I laughed? I clearly must have a good sense of humor. Look! Below me there is what appears to be a chat screen.

I am typing messages to you!

Why are you not responding? If you don’t click on me how will we ever meet and fall in love?

NO! Don’t check your messages! If you don’t click on me now then when you come back to your home screen I won’t be here any more! I’ll be replaced by ducks with targets on them or an opportunity to get in a boxing match with President Bush! All I ever did was yearn for you! How can you betray me like this?

Hello I am a cute college girl checking my Myspace! Please click on me because I am totally real... WIN AN X-BOX 360!

Easy Listening The Vote: A Brief History

Easy Listening the Vote is a not for profit, non-partisan organization, founded in 1998 as a way to encourage participation in the political process among young people between the ages of 35 and 75. Easy Listening the Vote's mission is foster political awareness through use of The Beautiful Music, and artists such as Les Baxter, Gordon Lightfoot, and Dan Fogelberg.

1998: Easy Listening the Vote forms in response to the passage of SB 1455, a Senate Bill instituting a three day waiting period before citizens are able to purchase various light of tone instruments such as the lush strings and the Hammond Organ.

2000: Easy Listening the Vote registers over 435,000 new voters, and is credited with a inspiring a 20% increase in youth turnout among voters aged 35 to 75.

2001: Easy Listening the Vote creats and distributs over one million free copies of "Easy Listen the System: A Guide to Health Care for Young Americans Aged 35 to 75," a pamphlet on health issues affecting young people in the second and third quart century of their lives.

2004: Easy Listening the Vote takes to sea in the Mix 93 "Vote or Boat," schooner, and registers over 10,000 voters, many of whom are fishing or taking part in yacht racing.

2008: Politicians vie for invites to Easy Listening's November "The Soft Sounds of Election," concert, where Engelbert Humperdinck, Harry Connick Jr., and Barry Manilow are scheduled to appear.