Fronier House - Synopsis

Have you ever wondered what life was really like for pioneers living in the American West during the late 19th century? Could a modern-day family handle an earlier time's lifestyle?

Week 1
Man: It was a simpler time back then.

Woman: I think people were closer to nature. Today, with all our distractions we tend to forget how beautiful mother nature can be; It's wonderful

Man: Yeah, it feels so good to work with your hands.

Week 2
Man: Well one thing I will say: The food is sub-par.

CUT TO Montage of woman waking up 2 hours before dawn, cooking until noon, and her resulting shitty, shitty food.

Woman: You will eat and enjoy this biscuit, Goddammit! (She bursts into tears).

Week 3
Man: It was interesting to see how they made wagon wheels.

Woman: (Has meningitis)

Week 4
Man realizes that all human history before the 1920's had racism so rampant that even different kinds of white people found reasons to hate each other, they decide they don't like “the Irish.”

Woman realizes that few people went 'un-raped.'

Aftermath
Man and Woman get divorce. Child learns to live life missing a hand.

I don't think I've ever seen more poignant proof that everyone who lived before 1987 was completely miserable.

Out of the Chalk of Babes

On a recent trip to the Science Museum, I happened upon a children’s section where they had set up a series of small chalkboards. Children were supposed to write what kind of museum they would like to make when they grew up.

The chalk boards had been set up behind glass so no one could actually write anything new, which to my mind kind of defeated the purpose of chalkboards. It also struck me as odd that some teacher thought that elementary-school students at a science museum would rather learn about museum curator-ship than, say, science. The children’s suggestions for what kinds of museums they wanted all had the kind of naive, deliberate cuteness that, though charming in Welch's grape juice commercials, can be nauseating in large doses. “A MUSEUM OF ORANGE THINGS!” in all caps was next to “i would like to see a kitten museum” written in careful, ‘I’m learning cursive’ style cursive.

Then I noticed that around the corner, blocked from view by a large magnet, some child had written in scraggily block letters, the words “Poop Fuck.” At first I thought it was simple vandalism, but then the genius juxtaposition of two such disparate curse words began to dawn on me, and I began to see what that child saw: The Museum of Poop Fuck, it was way better than that lame kitty Museum.

funbox helped write a music video

No promises, but if you watch it, we promise to you'll live forever and have many strong children.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=3c3bXR6n1ZA