Full House: The Motion Picture

The well of new and fresh ideas has dried up long ago, or at least it has if you are a film producer. With more and more small screen classics making the jump to the big screen (Sex in the City, Fraggle Rock, Speed Racer, The A-Team) Funbox would like to present its contribution to this trend –

Full House: The Motion Picture

Daniel Tanner had it all; A loving wife, three beautiful daughters, and he was about to crack the biggest scandal of his reporting career. But exposing the truth comes with a price, and now the mayor and the Triad gangsters who fund his corruption are out to take Daniel and his family down before his story can see the light of day. When Daniel comes home to find his wife murdered and his three daughters kidnapped, the cops turn a blind eye and Daniel has no choice but to turn to his drug addled wannabe rock star brother-in-law Jesse for help. Meanwhile, the three Tanner girls, D.J., Stephanie, and Michelle, desperately try to escape the Triads with the help of the hilarious taxi driver, “Uncle Joey” who finds himself caught up in the middle of a harrowing adventure that none of them will ever forget.

Fronier House - Synopsis

Have you ever wondered what life was really like for pioneers living in the American West during the late 19th century? Could a modern-day family handle an earlier time's lifestyle?

Week 1
Man: It was a simpler time back then.

Woman: I think people were closer to nature. Today, with all our distractions we tend to forget how beautiful mother nature can be; It's wonderful

Man: Yeah, it feels so good to work with your hands.

Week 2
Man: Well one thing I will say: The food is sub-par.

CUT TO Montage of woman waking up 2 hours before dawn, cooking until noon, and her resulting shitty, shitty food.

Woman: You will eat and enjoy this biscuit, Goddammit! (She bursts into tears).

Week 3
Man: It was interesting to see how they made wagon wheels.

Woman: (Has meningitis)

Week 4
Man realizes that all human history before the 1920's had racism so rampant that even different kinds of white people found reasons to hate each other, they decide they don't like “the Irish.”

Woman realizes that few people went 'un-raped.'

Aftermath
Man and Woman get divorce. Child learns to live life missing a hand.

I don't think I've ever seen more poignant proof that everyone who lived before 1987 was completely miserable.

An Open Letter to Michael Bay or Anyone That Knows Him

Dear Michael Bay or Anyone That Knows Him,

After watching your Transformers movie this weekend, we're pretty sure we can write for you. We are currently working on a spec script which we think will be up your alley. Hell Death: Return to Gun Island, is the story of John Helldeath and his return to Gun Island. We're fairly certain you'll enjoy it as it contains explosions at random moments in the plot, very cool lines about said explosions such as "damn you can't buy that shit on ebay!" and various characters who yell a lot and may or may not explode at any point during the film. Below is a scene from our script, which we're sure you'll enjoy. Please contact us about money soon.

Sincerely,
FunBox