Ok so Have You Heard of the Domestic Silver Fox?

Aww!

So there was this scientist in Russia, Dimitri Belyaev. He was trying to find a way to breed tamer foxes. The reason was so that it would be easyer to raise them on farms for fur coats (keep in mind this was 50 years ago so there weren’t huge protests).

So all he did was breed for tameness. When he went into their cages he measured how far away they ran and if they tried to bite. The ones that didn’t run away or were less aggressive were selectively bred. In just 18 generations he had produced those adorable foxes you see in the picture above. Aren’t they cute?

He didn’t breed for those coats or floppy ears that just happened as a side effect of tameness! They also stopped smelling bad, wagged their tails and barked. They were little dog-like foxes.

You can buy them as pets FYI. I’ll start the bidding at adorable.

One show that I’m watching that you probably are not watching

One of the problems with trying to get a gig in the entertainment industry is that it tends to make watching popular television remind you of the work you're trying to get away from. That's probably why I've been watching so much Daniel Boone lately.

Daniel Boone is a 1960's adventure show following the exploits of the frontiersman. The show airs on World Harvest Television (WHT) a station whose two goals seem to be to get you to give money to God (you can just mail it to them since they're nice enough to pass it along) and to get you to buy the expensive supplements sold by a vitamin company who seems to be the station's only real advertiser.

A great part of the show actually comes beforehand when an announcer tells us: "The Following Program is an educational informational program designed to reach children 16 and under." I'm not under 16 years old, but if WHT is trying to reach me via Boone's exploits of spying on pirates, pretending to be a ghost in a haunted house, and hunting enough meat for the season, then consider me reached!

My favorite part of the show though is is the introduction. It explains:

Daniel Boone was a man,
Yes, a big man!
With an eye like an eagle
And as tall as a mountain was he!

As the words are sung, Boone throws an ax, which splits a tree and shatters it to spell the words "Daniel Boone". Talk about a big man! I'm not sure he's as big as a mountain, but I've got a pretty good idea he's taking those fancy vitamins World Harvest is selling.

A Review of Twilight

Girls pissed their pants every time one of these people did anything.

So I saw Twilight last night (opening night 12:01 show) and that of course means that I saw it with about 350 teenage girls. In the interest of full disclosure I should mention that I haven’t read the books so I was really confused about why every time a new character would appear on the screen a ton of girls totally lost their shit.

I mean they completely freaked out. I felt like I was at a Beatles concert back when the Beatles were cool. This one character, a young Indian man, got a tremendous amount of swooning literally every time he appeared on screen. So I thought, “Oh he must be an important character.” Nope! He never did anything for the whole movie! My friend, (who has read the books) explained to me, “oh later on, in the third book, he’s like a huge part of it.”

The movie was actually pretty good. I’ll have a video review up soon.

P.S. my favorite part of the whole thing was the usher standing outside talking about how there were a billion teenage girls and a few creepy old guys. I overheard him saying to his friend “Don’t you know what jail is?!”

Trailers should be the Feature

So I have been thinking about this for a while and I think it's a pretty good plan. Lets get rid of all feature length movies and just have trailers. I am just sick of movies not living up to all the potential that the trailer implies they have. The best part of movies is always what I think is going to happen in my head. The trailer shows two guys throwing a bear out of moving train with a voice saying "No Holds Bear Action" and I think that bear must have been an assassin! But then you go see the movie and it was just that the bear didn't have a ticket. Lame. When you watch a trailer the movie gets to be as awesome as you want it to be. (And I'm pretty good at making movies so they are awesome.)

Plus you can just recut the the trailer to match whatever movie you might be in the mood for. Comedy? Just show the parts with guys falling down. Romance? Show the parts where the girl helps the guy back up. Action? Show the evil dude pouring oil on the floor and the hero running full speed into it. Kids? Show the hero's puppy jumping from a helicopter. Adult? Show the puppy landing in a nude girl's arms.

Plus less time to eat popcorn means less carbs, and we could all use less carbs.

Recipe for Disaster

Ingredients

* 1/2 loaf mayhem
* 1/4 cup chaos
* 3/4 cup bad news
* 5 ounces casualties, thinly sliced
* 6 ounces carnage, cooled
* 3 ounces (about 5 slices) misfortune
* woe (for drizzling)

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Slice the mayhem into 10 slices, each about 1/2-inch thick. Brush the mayhem with chaos and arrange it on a baking sheet. Bake mercilessly for 10-15 minutes.

Spread each slice of the mayhem with the bad news then place the casualties on top. Arrange the carnage on top of the casualties. Cut each piece of misfortune in half and place on top of the carnage. Transfer the disaster to a serving platter. Drizzle with woe and serve.

Fountain of Youth

What if you could live forever... in a fountain?

Director: Aditya Ezhuthachan
Starring: Sarah Hyland

DogTown: a great show that your girlfriend will enjoy crying to

A good show to watch is called DogTown. It's a show on National Geographic about taking care of sick dogs and making your girlfriend cry. Dogtown takes place at the Best Friends Animal Sanctuary, an animal care facility in Utah with 33,000 acres for taking care of animals in crisis and making your girlfriend cry.

At the beginning of each episode we're introduced to a few new troubled animals. Learning a bit about each of their pasts and how they came to be on the show, is sort of like a super hero origin story for dogs. I say "sort of," because instead of a dramatic accident befalling a dog and allowing it to gain powers, usually the accident costs him a leg, makes him bite everyone he sees, or leaves him absolutely terrified. This is a good point in the show for your girlfriend to start crying.

Next you get to see some of the good work the doctor in DogTown do. They're truly amazing people only wanting to help. They take the animals for walks, pet them, love them and cast everything aside to do something truly important: caring for those in need. If your girlfriend wants to help too this is another great time for her to be crying, especially if her work within a corporate or business type environment has been leaving her down lately. Dogs that have cute names like Wycheck, or Wiggles are great for crying over, but even dogs without names will do. Sometimes when they don't have a name though, and no one loved them enough to give them one they're even better for crying.

The excellent staff at DogTown is also a wonderful part of the show. Often they perform depressing but life saving surgery that'll help your girlfriend to cry! Jeff, a golden retriever has to have his leg sawed off. If that doesn't get her crying, probably dalmatian with beautiful eyes and infected with mange will. Wow there are tears in your living room everywhere! Thanks DogTown.

DogTown is inspiring because as the dogs heal, your girlfriend becomes more and more attached to them. They run, they jump, and your girlfriend loves them! Then, lots of them just can't make it anymore, and have to be put to sleep. This is inspiring too, inspiring of girlfriend tears!

Yep, DogTown's a pretty great show. It's a show that you should watch with your girlfriend if you want her to cry and be upset with you for not having a dog.

Anti-American Hockey

"Umm, why have they started playing?"

About a week ago I went to my second Hockey game ever. I was excited, no so much for the hockey game, but because I wanted to sing the national anthem. I’d been practicing you see, and I was ready to impress all my friends with my rich Bass voice and ability to harmonize (The fact that singing was the thing I was most excited about might clue you in to why I don’t attend many sporting events).

Like many Democrats, I’ve learned that patriotism isn’t just for the Right anymore. I, along with my fellow liberals, am starting to get over the uncomfortable feelings associated with a shitload of American flags, a giant bald eagle, or a bunch of drunks chanting “USA! USA!” Now I chant right along (semi-ironically of course).

However, after the game started I noticed something odd. I hadn’t gotten the chance to sing the national anthem. “No wait that can’t be right” I thought. I distinctly remembered everyone standing; some with their hands on their hearts, while a little blonde girl sang something. “No, that was God Bless America” I corrected myself “God Bless America is not the national anthem.”

Dear readers, I don’t attend a lot of sporting events, so you are going to have to help me out; do they only sing the national anthem at Baseball games? Did I show up late and miss something? Has God bless America become the new national anthem, or can I go back to feeling unpatriotic?

Obama Wins, Small Talk Dies

Well, we did it America. We elected Obama President, but at what cost? For months now, all of us have depended on this election to provide ample conversation with coworkers, hair dressers, dentists, and the neighbor who you don't know his name but you always see him at the mailbox. Now its all over. Small talk has died.

At least if McCain had won, the bitching and moaning would have carried us through to Christmas. Now however, we are left with no choice but to talk about how inexpensive gas is and the terrible economy. That's just a recipe for awkward silence.

"Man, gas prices are so low."
" Yeah well, good thing, with the economy so bad."
"Yeah, my brother got laid off last week."
"Oh Really?"
"Yeah"
"..."
"See ya later."

How horrible is that? All we can do now is remember back to a simplier times when converstions went like this:
"Obama 08!"
"Woooooo!"
"Wooooo!"
"Woooooo!"
"Fuckin' Palin."

This is what McCain’s Acceptance Speech Would Be Like

Regular blogging to resume Wednesday.

Gobama!

Or if you're Republican:

No McCain No McGain!