LoL MaTts

INTERNET POSTCARD #3

Zion National Park/Bryce Canyon

There sure are a lot of warning signs in national parks. Why shouldn't you climb out onto the cliffs? “Last year a man fell to his death when he climbed onto an outcropping for a picture.” Is it important to keep drinking water because we're in the dessert? “4 months ago a jogger in the canyon died from heat prostration because he didn't drink enough water.” Why shouldn't you feed the animals? “A five year old child was kicked to death by a deer wen he refused to relinquish his sandwich.” “Later the deer had to be shot.” I'm not embellishing these signs, here's one about flash floods. “Anyone caught in this would quickly be battered to death against the rocks. YOU CANNOT SURVIVE THE TORRENT!”

I think I might be detecting a slight pattern here.

What's funny to me is the arms race between the park service and assholes. “Don't feed the animals.” Wasn't good enough, they had to upgrade to, again not kidding, “Ground squirrels have fleas that may carry bubonic plague” There's also an Orwellian civilian spy program in full swing, “$100 Fine for Feeding Animals- Report Violators”

It's only a matter of time before rangers, disguised as plainclothes chipmunks, approach hikers and beg them for peanuts. I always ask Coyotes, “You're not a cop right? You know you have to tell me if you are?”

INTERNET POSTCARD #2

Las Vegas!

So far we've eaten dinner and attempted to learn '3 card poker' here's a transcript from my first attempt.

Me: I don't know how to play. I hope you'll teach me.

Dealer: Sure! Just put down $10 (She gestures towards 3 rectangles on the table).

Me: Ok!

Dealer: No $10 on each, that's the minimum bet.

Me: 30 Dollars! I don't have that kind of money! Do I look like a chump to you?!

Things went downhill fast after that. (They don't like it when you bring a laptop to the table)

Stay tuned for our next installment titled, 'Here in Nevada we hate the earth, and we have always sought to destroy it, that's part of the reason there's no recycling.'

INTERNET POSTCARD #1

Funbox is going to take a break from it's regularly scheduled Blog (Flossing 101 – Lesson 1: My Mouth is Full of Blood!) Instead we're sending you an Internet postcard from a Recreational Vehicle parked just outside of beautiful Las Vegas Nevada!

As I type this I'm watching my Father figure out how to empty the septic system. I'm not sure how well it's going but my brother just doubled over and ran away.

Yes, with an RV you can have all the comforts of home without the pesky inconveniences of modern sanitation and safety.

Here at the RV park, every motor home has a tiny puddle of water under it that's vaguely unsettling, but we didn't come here for to see the RV park, we came here for the excitement that is Las Vegas (only a 20 minute cab ride away!) Our next Internet postcard will be from inside a Casino!

Hello I am a Cute College Girl Checking my Myspace!

Hello I am a cute college girl checking my Myspace! Please click on me because I am totally real. You can tell I am real because I am not so super hot as to clearly be an advertisement, yet still cute enough to grab your total attention.

Oh, ha ha ha! Something I read on screen made me laugh!

I’ll grip this pillow tightly. Is it because I am cold? Or am I lonely? Either way if you were my real boyfriend you would keep me warm. It’s a real possibility that you would become my boyfriend if you clicked on me.

Don’t I seem fun? Remember when I laughed? I clearly must have a good sense of humor. Look! Below me there is what appears to be a chat screen.

I am typing messages to you!

Why are you not responding? If you don’t click on me how will we ever meet and fall in love?

NO! Don’t check your messages! If you don’t click on me now then when you come back to your home screen I won’t be here any more! I’ll be replaced by ducks with targets on them or an opportunity to get in a boxing match with President Bush! All I ever did was yearn for you! How can you betray me like this?

Hello I am a cute college girl checking my Myspace! Please click on me because I am totally real... WIN AN X-BOX 360!

Not a good idea...

The internet has kind of ruined having ideas. Don’t get me wrong the internet is fantastic if you don’t have an idea. You go to gooogle and bam, millions of ideas for the taking. But now, every time I have an original idea I have to search the internet and make sure its an original idea. This is so that when I tell someone I have an idea they don’t say, “Oh like on that swedish website.” Imagine how much nicer it was back in the day when it was ten people living in a town with no one for hundreds of miles. One hot summer day one of the guys goes “I wish my pants weren’t so long.” One swing of a blade later that dude had invented shorts. It didn’t matter if some Swedish guy had already made shorts and his had pockets. There was no way to know. I guess what I am saying is that when it comes to having ideas, ignorance is bliss.