What Man was Not Meant to Know!

If science fiction has taught us anything, it has taught us that there are some things man was not meant to know! Funbox has compiled a complete list of all the things Man was not meant to know. If you do know these things, then our hearts go out to you.

1.A particle's exact location and speed.
2.Whether or not your brother gives a good blowjob (I'd give your brother a C+ but I'm not objective).
3.Who would win in a fight, Superman or Jesus (Funbox does give 3-1 odds on Jesus though).
4.Why We mustn't allow stem cell research (Something to do with “Ghost babies”).
5.Why Gandalf didn't just use those Giant Eagles to drop the ring into Mount Doom and save everyone all the hassle.
6.What flavor those “Great White Shark ” fruit snacks were. (Some kind of berry?)
7.What was in all those other boxes at the end of Raiders of the Lost Arc (The good parts of Star Wars Episodes 1-3).
8.Why robots feel the need to resort to violence when they destroy their masters, and aren't simply happy making us obsolete (Cylons, Terminators relax! We'll be dead soon enough).
9.How many abortions your Mom had before you were born (4).
10.Why Wash had to die. (Spoiler alert!)

Woman, however has always known 2-6.

Holiday Couple Ettiqutte

The Holidays can be a trying time for couples. Fortunately, Funbox is here to give you a few tips to keep your holiday a joyous one. Our Jewish readers will find a Christmas to Hanukkah conversion table at the bottom.

It is generally considered impolite to giggle when your partner mentions "The Yule log."

Always remember to ask if you can help light the Hanukkah candles, and then get all huffy if they say it's too early (it's tradition).

Only the Following "Nogs" are suitable for drinking: Eggnog, Creamnog, and Nognog. The other Nogs: Pinenog, Lardnog, and all Lead-based nogs are just for decoration.

Just remember Santa didn't die on the cross (a common misconception).

While it's cute to tape some mistletoe above a doorway, you're not earning any points by putting it on your dick.

Forgot to buy your loved one a gift? Just remember this simple phrase "Oh... I thought you knew I was Russian Othodox. We do it on New Years day." This works for both Jews and Gentiles! (Note : do not attempt on actual Russian Orthodox-ers)

Forgot again? "Oh... I thought you knew I was Russian Othodox, our 'New Year' is on the 5th!"

Does your partner's family do that thing at Christmas where they wear those wreathes on their heads, with the candles coming out? That's weird.

If you and your loved one go caroling, give him or her a sly wink every time you come to the "five goooollld rings" part of Twelve days of Christmas, it's a good way to stimulate guilt and/or a premature marriage proposal. And these are both great ways to score major loot!

Conversion Chart:
Christmas = Hanukkah
Hanukkah = Kwanzaa
Christmas Tree = Menorah
Santa Claus = Candles I Guess?
Mistletoe = Potato Pancakes

Does it Count as Cheating?

Funbox gets asked a lot of questions about romance and relationships and with todays new world full of cyber-internet, open marriages, and new ideas about gender, it's sometimes hard to know what "counts as cheating." That's why we've decided to post a guide to help you through the gray areas.

Pornography: NOT CHEATING
Most men (whether gay or straight) look at pornography, and nowadays most women understand that, however if your partner mentions how they hate pornography (i.e. "It promotes violence against women!"), it's important to nod in agreement and talk about how you "just never got into it, I guess."

Reading Erotica: CHEATING
'Cause it's more about feelings.

Noticing other Men/Women: NOT CHEATING
No one expects their partner to "go blind" after a serious relationship starts. But it's important that when your partner notices you noticing, that you say something disparaging about the person you were just admiring i.e. "Her eyes are fat."

Handshakes: SEE CHART
It's surprising how many questions we get regarding whether it's ok to shake someone else's hand when you are in a serious relationship. Use this handy chart for reference.

• If they are taller than you or are menstruating (ask beforehand): CHEATING
• If they are shorter than you: NOT CHEATING
• If they are same height/Bisexual: HUG INSTEAD

Cyberdating/Cybersex: NOT CHEATING
It's ok to have 1 cyber-relationship in addition to your regular relationship. Unless you met your current partner on line, in which case you may only have sex with 1 other person who you have met in a non-Internet setting.

Tickle Fights: NOT CHEATING
Totally acceptable as long as the other person is going "HA HA HA! STOP! I'm gonna pee!" and not "Mmmm. Oh. (blushing furiously) *gasp!* Oh god, I'm gonna pee!"

Poker Night with the Guys: CHEATING
Or it might as well be for all the trouble I get in to for it!

Incest: NOT CHEATING
All families do this.

Being Friends with the Opposite Sex: CHEATING
"Just friends?! Yeah right!" (Gays exempt).

Oral Sex: The Business Plan

Executive Summary

Introduction:
Oral Sex™, a subsidiary of Sex ™, is a fantastic new product that will fill an ever growing niche for new ways to climax. Not only will Oral Sex™ be able to draw in large parts of the consumer groups who already enjoy Sex™, but parts of the population hesitant to try Sex™ may find themselves fully ready to embrace Oral Sex™.

Mission Statement:
Oral Sex™ aims to offer a fun fresh new way to Orgasm® without the high cost and emotional investment that comes from traditional copulation.

The Company:
Coming off the success of their previous companies, Kissing Inc. and Hand Jobs LLC., founders Barry Jay and Richard Lechter, sought to combine their efforts and forge a path ahead into an unexplored market/orifice.

Products and Services:
We have found that using the starting point of taking genitals and sticking and/or rubbing them onto/into peoples oral cavities has created a nearly endless variety of choices to offer the public. Popular items include: The French Mambo©, The Rain Check ©, The Arizona Truck Stop©, Venti DeCaf©, and The Inside Out Handshake (© pending).

The Market:
Everyone.

Financial Considerations:
Learning much from their high risk, low yield venture Anal Pleasure ™, the people behind Oral Sex™ have severely reduced the time and cost needed at the start of the venture till those involved will start seeing dividends.

Keys to Success:
- Moving the product from being thought of as a special occasion treat to an everyday necessity.
- Hair management.