Does it Count as Cheating?

Funbox gets asked a lot of questions about romance and relationships and with todays new world full of cyber-internet, open marriages, and new ideas about gender, it's sometimes hard to know what "counts as cheating." That's why we've decided to post a guide to help you through the gray areas.

Pornography: NOT CHEATING
Most men (whether gay or straight) look at pornography, and nowadays most women understand that, however if your partner mentions how they hate pornography (i.e. "It promotes violence against women!"), it's important to nod in agreement and talk about how you "just never got into it, I guess."

Reading Erotica: CHEATING
'Cause it's more about feelings.

Noticing other Men/Women: NOT CHEATING
No one expects their partner to "go blind" after a serious relationship starts. But it's important that when your partner notices you noticing, that you say something disparaging about the person you were just admiring i.e. "Her eyes are fat."

Handshakes: SEE CHART
It's surprising how many questions we get regarding whether it's ok to shake someone else's hand when you are in a serious relationship. Use this handy chart for reference.

• If they are taller than you or are menstruating (ask beforehand): CHEATING
• If they are shorter than you: NOT CHEATING
• If they are same height/Bisexual: HUG INSTEAD

Cyberdating/Cybersex: NOT CHEATING
It's ok to have 1 cyber-relationship in addition to your regular relationship. Unless you met your current partner on line, in which case you may only have sex with 1 other person who you have met in a non-Internet setting.

Tickle Fights: NOT CHEATING
Totally acceptable as long as the other person is going "HA HA HA! STOP! I'm gonna pee!" and not "Mmmm. Oh. (blushing furiously) *gasp!* Oh god, I'm gonna pee!"

Poker Night with the Guys: CHEATING
Or it might as well be for all the trouble I get in to for it!

Incest: NOT CHEATING
All families do this.

Being Friends with the Opposite Sex: CHEATING
"Just friends?! Yeah right!" (Gays exempt).

last night at an l.a. bar

Last night, I was at a bar having a nice conversation with two female friends when an overzealous bald man suddenly shoved himself between them, chided them for taking too long with drink orders, and then tried flirting.

Turned off, they claimed to be lesbians, but he was undeterred. I knew I had to help.

"Actually they really are lesbians," I said. "In fact, they're legally married in the state of Massachusetts."

"Boston?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "So they must be Irish?"

"Sure," I told him. "Yeah probably. I think they're Irish."

At that, the overzealous bald man recalibrated all of his flirtacious conversation around the axis of their "Irish." To bad they weren't Irish.

"You are so Irishy."

They laugh as if he's crazy. And he slinks away, his soul overflowing with with defeat and confusion.

A few minutes later, a different man tries to pick up women with his "I got hit by a city bus and nearly died" story:

"There the benches flew right out of the bus," he says. "They were everywhere...I'm just so thankful...If it wasn't for one landing on my lap...I probably wouldn't be here right now."

I note that his bus gambit is working and that an empathetic blond has gently wrapped her arm around him, and I realize that I've learned something. A new-found appreciation for life brought about by near tragedy is the sort of story that we can all relate to, and sometimes being hit by a bus can be the fastest way to hitch a ride on the train of love...even if we're not Irish.