On a Date with Funbox

Even though Funbox is listed as “Single” on Myspace it still likes to go on dates, here’s the recap of our most recent one!

Funbox doesn’t like to kiss and tell so we’ll keep our date (Who we totally scored with, by the way!) anonymous, lets call her “Kelly.” Funbox showed up at Kelly’s house promptly at 8 and waited in the parlor, chatting with Kelly’s dad. “So what do you boys do for a living?” Funbox is kind of in between things right now, due to the writer’s strike, so we decided to change the subject by accidentally knocking over a vase. Kelly sure looked pretty, and she said that our cologne smelled, “like vinyl or something” which prompted a lot of elbowing amongst us (A long debate over whether to use cologne or not had been settled when everyone agreed that we had to “smell the same” and we all made sure to apply an equal 4 tablespoons).

The real trouble started once we got to dinner. Our original seating plan had only been agreed upon after 2 and ½ hours of vigorous debate and a dice based variant of rock-paper-scissors. Funbox finally agreed that Kelly would sit facing the window “So she could check her makeup in the reflection.” But when we got to the diner she wanted to sit facing the restaurant. Funbox is very chivalrous but we hadn’t brought our dice! Short story long, we took turns sitting to the left and across from Kelly and making excuses to leave the table, with a plan for 12 minute rotations. Dinner conversation was very stimulating, and we made sure to tell Kelly so by paying her complements like, “That’s a good point,” “I couldn’t agree more” and “I find this dinner conversation very stimulating!”

It’s important to make your date feel comfortable and not offend her, so during the movie we all watched Kelly closely and only laughed when she did, and we made sure to ask every 15 minutes if she wanted anything from the concession stand. Then it was time to head home. We told Kelly we had had a wonderful evening and that we hoped we could all do it again sometime. She said she’d “let us know” and then gave us a kiss on the cheek! We’re going to marry her!

Working Late

Ok so at my work for like the last six months we’ve been busting our humps on this Doomsday Device and I’ve finally got some positive news. It’s finally finished, which is good, since this Friday is Doomsday.

Yes, we finally finished, but what a hassle! It seems like we’ve been working on this thing forever. If it wasn’t the Justice Squad blowing up our reactors, then it was Captain Amazing (who didn’t die in that mysterious explosion after all) messing around with our geo-synch satellites , or the Moon People deciding to break their vow of non-interference to team up with The E-men etc. etc. After a while it started to feel like the only reason we existed was to give these heroes something to fight week after week.

Well, we finally got the Matter Eraser hooked up to the Infinity Cannon today and the Boss took us all out to Applebee’s to celebrate.

Afterwards we’re all relaxing and goofing off in the office when the Boss storms back in, super-pissed, and says the U.N. called his bluff! Apparently they were all, “Fine blow it up! See if we care!”

So now I’m going to have to stay late all next week while we try to change the machine into a Blow-up-only-one-city-at-a-time-so-the-jerks-at-the-UN-
know-we-can-really-do-it Device. My girlfriend is going to kill me.

Oral Sex: The Business Plan

Executive Summary

Introduction:
Oral Sex™, a subsidiary of Sex ™, is a fantastic new product that will fill an ever growing niche for new ways to climax. Not only will Oral Sex™ be able to draw in large parts of the consumer groups who already enjoy Sex™, but parts of the population hesitant to try Sex™ may find themselves fully ready to embrace Oral Sex™.

Mission Statement:
Oral Sex™ aims to offer a fun fresh new way to Orgasm® without the high cost and emotional investment that comes from traditional copulation.

The Company:
Coming off the success of their previous companies, Kissing Inc. and Hand Jobs LLC., founders Barry Jay and Richard Lechter, sought to combine their efforts and forge a path ahead into an unexplored market/orifice.

Products and Services:
We have found that using the starting point of taking genitals and sticking and/or rubbing them onto/into peoples oral cavities has created a nearly endless variety of choices to offer the public. Popular items include: The French Mambo©, The Rain Check ©, The Arizona Truck Stop©, Venti DeCaf©, and The Inside Out Handshake (© pending).

The Market:
Everyone.

Financial Considerations:
Learning much from their high risk, low yield venture Anal Pleasure ™, the people behind Oral Sex™ have severely reduced the time and cost needed at the start of the venture till those involved will start seeing dividends.

Keys to Success:
- Moving the product from being thought of as a special occasion treat to an everyday necessity.
- Hair management.