Ask Megatron II

Megatron, is the star of the blockbuster film "Transformers," and leader of the Decepticons. He is also a giant robot from another planet who can change himself into a gun.

Dear Megatron,
I recently broke up with Kevin, my boyfriend, after I learned he was cheating on me. We work together, and when his new girl visits, he seems to enjoy the fact that I’m completely devastated. What should I do?

Alice – Pasadena, CA

Alice,
You need to stand up for yourself. I know it’s hard to cope with the fact that you once trusted him, but sometimes even the wisest of man or machine can make an error. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Adopt a healthy mental state and realize that conquest is made of the ashes of one’s enemies. One day you’ll use his blood to water the fields of your victory.

Hi Megatron,
My boyfriend of 3 months has a hugely stressful management position in a well known company. His mother was recently informed she has a few months to live, and he is going through a messy divorce. I know all these things are important, but I’m staring to feel like I’m not a priority in his life. Any thoughts?

Sarah - Wells Creek, Idaho

Sarah,
You need to remind your boyfriend that everything dies: whether it is a career, a marriage, or a mother. Tell him you’re sick of his endless quest for power, especially at the cost of your own. If he’s reasonable, he’ll get it.

Dear Megatron,
As a child, I was taught that pre-marital sex was wrong. I’ve always known that my wife had multiple partners in her past, but lately I’ve begun to question her about this. I'm not sure what I'm looking to gain by asking her about this. I just know that it hurts, and the situation is a strain on our marriage. Please help.

Jason – Orange Falls, Wisconsin

Jason,
These questions show that it is not courage, but fear that compels you. Don’t feel threatened by your wife’s past, for you’ve already crushed it with your bare hands. It is dead. Don’t let your marriage die with it!

Does it Count as Cheating?

Funbox gets asked a lot of questions about romance and relationships and with todays new world full of cyber-internet, open marriages, and new ideas about gender, it's sometimes hard to know what "counts as cheating." That's why we've decided to post a guide to help you through the gray areas.

Pornography: NOT CHEATING
Most men (whether gay or straight) look at pornography, and nowadays most women understand that, however if your partner mentions how they hate pornography (i.e. "It promotes violence against women!"), it's important to nod in agreement and talk about how you "just never got into it, I guess."

Reading Erotica: CHEATING
'Cause it's more about feelings.

Noticing other Men/Women: NOT CHEATING
No one expects their partner to "go blind" after a serious relationship starts. But it's important that when your partner notices you noticing, that you say something disparaging about the person you were just admiring i.e. "Her eyes are fat."

Handshakes: SEE CHART
It's surprising how many questions we get regarding whether it's ok to shake someone else's hand when you are in a serious relationship. Use this handy chart for reference.

• If they are taller than you or are menstruating (ask beforehand): CHEATING
• If they are shorter than you: NOT CHEATING
• If they are same height/Bisexual: HUG INSTEAD

Cyberdating/Cybersex: NOT CHEATING
It's ok to have 1 cyber-relationship in addition to your regular relationship. Unless you met your current partner on line, in which case you may only have sex with 1 other person who you have met in a non-Internet setting.

Tickle Fights: NOT CHEATING
Totally acceptable as long as the other person is going "HA HA HA! STOP! I'm gonna pee!" and not "Mmmm. Oh. (blushing furiously) *gasp!* Oh god, I'm gonna pee!"

Poker Night with the Guys: CHEATING
Or it might as well be for all the trouble I get in to for it!

Incest: NOT CHEATING
All families do this.

Being Friends with the Opposite Sex: CHEATING
"Just friends?! Yeah right!" (Gays exempt).