Obama Wins, Small Talk Dies

Well, we did it America. We elected Obama President, but at what cost? For months now, all of us have depended on this election to provide ample conversation with coworkers, hair dressers, dentists, and the neighbor who you don't know his name but you always see him at the mailbox. Now its all over. Small talk has died.

At least if McCain had won, the bitching and moaning would have carried us through to Christmas. Now however, we are left with no choice but to talk about how inexpensive gas is and the terrible economy. That's just a recipe for awkward silence.

"Man, gas prices are so low."
" Yeah well, good thing, with the economy so bad."
"Yeah, my brother got laid off last week."
"Oh Really?"
"Yeah"
"..."
"See ya later."

How horrible is that? All we can do now is remember back to a simplier times when converstions went like this:
"Obama 08!"
"Woooooo!"
"Wooooo!"
"Woooooo!"
"Fuckin' Palin."

Barack Obama, “Don’t fuck this up for me America”

"I need you to not fuck this up America."

In a heartfelt address to supporters in Iowa yesterday, Senator Barack Obama urged Americans to “Not fuck this up for me.” He continued, “I believe we have a righteous wind at our backs and that people are ready for a change. It would be an immense tragedy if we were to fail because someone photo shopped a picture of me shaking hands with Osama Bin Laden or something.”

Obama elaborated on other possible scenarios that might cause him to lose the upcoming presidential race because of what he calls the politics of fear, “In the next few days you’ll probably hear some more wild allegations, like that I’m not technically an American citizen because I was born in Kenya, or that I slept with a prostitute during my senate term, or you’ll hear some Nostradamus quote like, oh I don’t know, ‘He will be of two races and will bring the great city in the west to ruin, consuming the land in fire.’”

At this last statement some members of the crowd clearly became agitated and Obama addressed them directly, “That’s not even a real quote! I made it up just now. See, this is what I’m talking about!” Obama urged his supporters to “Just do me a favor and Check out Snopes.com before you send an email to 100 of your friends with a header like ‘Obama = Antichrist?!?!?!’ Can you do that for me America? Can you be cool?”

OMG LOL Hillary + Obama '08?

Inside this month's Voter Beat:

Shhhh! Can you keep a secret? Mike Huckabee can’t! He couldn’t wait to spill ALL of his love secrets to Voter Beat! Does Mike believe in love at first sight? What does he look for in a crush? Does his wife approve of his girlfriends? He answers all these burning questions and more in this month’s issue, and he's also signed a tank top for one lucky reader! Can you say Oh My(ike) Huckabee?

Ever wanted a chance to go behind scenes at with John McCain as he speaks at a Disabled American Veteran’s Hall? Look inside! One lucky reader will hit the campaign trail with John, where they’ll “get out the vote,” and get to make hundreds of phone calls every day! Plus John spills secrets about his experience in a Vietnamese POW camp, and tells us why his parents embarrass him! (Even though they’re long dead!)

How bout more cool prizes? Hillary Clinton signed a program from her Augsburg College debate with Barack Obama! Plus, I know you’ve definitely dreamed of being a superdelegate right? Well, then you’ll definitely want to enter our “Be a Superdelegate for a Day,” contest. One lucky reader will get to go to the national party convention of their choice and get the star treatment before they cast their vote for America’s future. Get all the deets on how to win in the magazine!

It’s no secret that Barack Obama is probably the most famous 40-something in Washington D.C. How does he stay grounded? How does he make time for his friends. Does he have any pets? These questions and more answered inside!