President Baby

One of FunBox's good friends and star of 'Astounding Tales of the Hunt' Asterios Kokkinos, has just put up quite an entertaing look at so called Hollywood Pitchfests. These are events where people pay many to get feed back on their scripts from 'real producers.' He wanted to see if he pitched some of the worst movies ever if the producers would blow smoke up his butt or tell him the truth. The results are a true delight. The name of his site (and the title of one of the best pitches) is President Baby. Check this shit out.

Things I do to my Girlfriend that I think are Funny but that She Finds Hurtful

1. Gently whispering in her ear, “You know who I love? I’ll give you a hint her name starts with a ‘Y’ and ends with an ‘ou’… That’s right Yoko Takahashou, the Japanese Artist, she’s really, really good.”

2. Pretending to forget her birthday, by throwing her a huge surprise party several months before her actual birthday.

3. Waking up in the middle of the night sobbing and when she asks, “What’s wrong” saying, “I just had this horrible nightmare, we were married and had kids and were spending our lives together.” Then trying to make out with her.

4. Spending a really long time looking at, and gently touching, Male mannequins.

5. Playing house with Susie Milksberg, but when my girlfriend comes over, only wanting to play transformers.

6. Saying, “Maybe we should just snuggle tonight.” And then when we’re spooning start to dry-hump and, when she responds positively, saying “Why is it always about sex with you!”

7. When we’re playing Risk saying, “Ok you can take South America!” but then leaving 4 armies in Venezuela that I’ll never use.

7. Faking a pregnancy.

8. Asking her if she ever “just tried not being a robot, just to see how it felt.”

9. Mis-numbering things.

10. Buying her a power tool as a gift and then when she tries to give it to me saying, “No, that’s a girl’s drill.”

And finally,

11. Asking “Who needs a hug?” and then giving her a hug.

Live to Regret ep. 6

Running for Office

Now, I know what you're thinking, why would someone as successful and good looking as me risk it all for a chance to become California's State Controller? Running for office is always risky, especially when you have to run against a strong incumbent like John Chiang. Is it because I have a strong sense of Civic Duty? Is it because I crave power, whatever the cost? Is it because I want to rule the eighth-largest economy in the world and make sure the state’s $100 billion budget is spent properly, while helping to administer more than $300 billion in state pension funds and serve on 76 state boards and commissions? No.

The answer is I want to kiss people's babies.

Plump babies, skinny babies, cute babies, babies with Reye's syndrome, all of them! I can't help myself. At first I tried paying for it, but people seem to be less willing to accept the standard "kiss your baby for money" deal. That's when the idea struck me. Who gets to kiss all the babies they want? People running for State Controller. Vote for me.