Why I'm Looking Forward to the Rapture

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the Rapture, a prophesied Christian event, in which true believers are suddenly whisked away from the Earth and into to Heaven. Now I don't have faith in many things, but one thing I do believe in strongly is that television will probably get a lot better after that happens. Once all those people are gone, we'll be able to swear, depict human sexuality in a realistic manner, and maybe even get "Two and a Half Men," off the air.

It'll also be awesome when all those people get raptured, because their jobs will be "left behind!" I really hope the Rapture happens soon. I want to have health care again.

You Broke It, You Fix It

So my crude understanding of economics is if everyone thinks we are doing o.k. then people will give you money and we all get rich. So it really doesn't seem like that much of shock that now that people are worried that the economy is doing bad it's doing bad. If only there was someway to boost confidence in the market....

Oh I know! How 'bout the president gives a speech and says, "Our entire economy is in danger." This seems to be the equivalant of Chicken Little running around and yelling "the sky is falling!" and then when you stop to look up he kicks you in the balls and runs away. I mean in the end sure the sky may be actually falling, but as you lay on the ground holding a wounded junk pile you would probably wonder if there was a more calm way to handle the problem.

I have to admit though that I am very tempted to side on the "Wall Street should suffer for their mistakes" side of the debate, but in the end were all in the same car. Sure the driver shouldn't have been drinking, but your not going to let him drive off the cliff just to teach him a lesson (Plus we shouldn't have gotten into the car in the first place (the car is foreign oil).).

Thanks for listening to my economic metaphors that rely heavily on violence.

Tips on How to save Money on a New-ish Computer!

Have you tried turning it off and then on again?

Buy used!

Why spend hundreds of dollars on a new computer when your friend’s friend from work, who’s totally into computers by the way, is going to sell his old computer that he built himself! It’s a wonderful plan that I tried and totally didn’t backfire! For a mere $300 I got a massive ‘tricked out’ computer with a fan so loud, it keeps my girlfriend up at night!

Tech Problems?

You can fix it yourself! Since you bought a custom built computer there really isn’t much in the way of tech support. But your friend’s friend from work is totally available to help you out with any problems you might have. At least that’s what he told me, he hasn’t really responded to any of my e-mails.

There’s always Best Buy.

The Geek Squad was really helpful when, after a few months, massive hardware problems kept my computer from even starting. I took it in to geek squad (still waiting for the ‘manufacturer’ to call or Email me). They unscrewed a few things and plugged them back in and it started working again! They didn’t even charge me! I took it home and started working on my screenplay with a renewed fervor.

Then the screen went jagged, and the speakers screamed a horrific metallic screech at me until I finally pulled the plug on the thing.

Super Mansion Wish List

With the Internet these days, it’s a safe bet we’re all soon be super rich. Why? Because the Internet creates wealth without us having to worry about things like the economy. That’s why it’s important to all of us to start planning what will be in our super mansions. Below is the FunBox list. What is yours?

FunBox Super Mansion Needs List
(may also serve as FunBox's Birthday Wish List)

Trampoline Room – The floor is made entirely of trampoline. Good for moon walk simulations, children’s birthday parties, and courting Romanian gymnast neighbors.

Tunnel System – Mainly a safety precaution. Useful in staging a guerilla campaign should the super mansion’s security be compromised.

Room For Pillow Choosing – 47 different varieties of pillows, many Swedish and so comfortable as to be illegal in the States.

Laser Gun - Cause we don't believe in regular guns.

Sharkquarium – Giant and steel-reinforced. Shaped like a goldfish bowl for kitsch reasons.

Urinal Room - Pee on anything you like without the guilt. Sorry ladies, dudes only!

Blimp Garage – We may be rich but there’s nothing more annoying than paying local blimp parking fees.

Mountainous Terrain – Self-explanatory.

Ice Cream Room – Fully refrigerated room, filled entirely with ice cream “snow”. Guests wear clean suits like those ones those multi-colored dance-y guys had in the old Intel commercials, upon entrance they can use their favorite flavors to make an ice cream man, ice cream angels, or simply have an ice cream fight. Remember not to pack your ice cream balls with toffee or peanuts though: you’ll put an eye out.

Pre-Installed Time Travel Conduits - So we don't have to go through installation when the technology is developed.