Why I'm Looking Forward to the Rapture

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the Rapture, a prophesied Christian event, in which true believers are suddenly whisked away from the Earth and into to Heaven. Now I don't have faith in many things, but one thing I do believe in strongly is that television will probably get a lot better after that happens. Once all those people are gone, we'll be able to swear, depict human sexuality in a realistic manner, and maybe even get "Two and a Half Men," off the air.

It'll also be awesome when all those people get raptured, because their jobs will be "left behind!" I really hope the Rapture happens soon. I want to have health care again.