The Brewster plan to save a nation

While republicans and democrats can't agree on the contents of a stimulus package, both sides want it to come about quickly, and more importantly, they hope the money distributed isn't saved, or used to replace other money that would have been spent. They want it in the economy immediately. FunBox has the solution: The Brewster's Millions Stimulus Package.

Remember Richard Pryor? That guy was awesome. And in 1985 he was in an awesome movie called Brewster's Millions. Basically, Brewster's long lost eccentric rich dude uncle dies. The will says Brewster has 30 days to spend $30 Million dollars. If successful, he'll inherit ten times the money.

So here's the deal. Let's take that $819 billion, divvy it up and give $1 million to 819,000 luck Brewster-Americans. Now there are a few conditions Brewster has to deal with and they'd also apply to our plan. Brewsters can't have new assets at the end of the month. This means they can' just buy cool shit and hang out with their stuff. They have to be out in society spending money! Injecting it into buisneses and individuals who'd likely respend it.

Brewsters can only solicit services and hire people offering actual value, and can't just give it away, gamble it, or buy things to destroy. That means no just laundering it through your friend, and no wasted materials.

So what does that mean? It means Party City USA! Brewster was a cool dude. He joins the mayoral election, throws killer champagne parties, and hires the Yankees to scrimmage his minor league team. For those of us unable to be brewsters ourselves we'll surly get to enjoy the fall out of all these parties, and all this good will going around.

A million for many, champign for all, and the greatest month of partying that this country has ever had. The Brewster Plan will not just entertain us, it'll save us.

Write to your congressman now.

Ideas I have that are Probably Wrong

I’m pretty sure that if I raise my child in a mostly underwater cave, he will gain night vision and the ability to hold his breath for long times. Not only will he use these skills to fight crime, but he will thank me for the cave raising.

If I grow and wear a Hitler mustache for long enough, eventually I can bring it back into style.

Masturbating does in fact count as exercise.

Watching a show about Krav Maga counts as taking a lesson.

That if I had a chance to go back to high school today with all that I know now, I would be cool and score with chicks and not be beat up as often.

In the next 100 years or so man will evolve to the point where we will all be completely hairless. Balding people are just the next step in human evolution.

Being featured on College Humor is proof that my plan to be a famous millionaire is working.

My polite mannerism and quiet acceptance are respected by my bosses and will eventually lead to my promotion.

I bet that if I was drafted by the army I would find out that I had all sorts of secret fighting and survival skills I didn’t know about.

Girls appreciate that I am totally comfortable talking about menstruation.

Not a good idea...

The internet has kind of ruined having ideas. Don’t get me wrong the internet is fantastic if you don’t have an idea. You go to gooogle and bam, millions of ideas for the taking. But now, every time I have an original idea I have to search the internet and make sure its an original idea. This is so that when I tell someone I have an idea they don’t say, “Oh like on that swedish website.” Imagine how much nicer it was back in the day when it was ten people living in a town with no one for hundreds of miles. One hot summer day one of the guys goes “I wish my pants weren’t so long.” One swing of a blade later that dude had invented shorts. It didn’t matter if some Swedish guy had already made shorts and his had pockets. There was no way to know. I guess what I am saying is that when it comes to having ideas, ignorance is bliss.