the great debates of ’08...er ’07 for now i guess

Yesterday we were watching the Republican Debates trying to write jokes about those silly politicians. Holy crap though silly politicians, it sure is hard when you say stuff way eviler than what can even be made up! Representative Tom Tancredo, I'm looking at you the most for this one. That whole thing about defending your idea to get back at terrorists by bombing Mecca? What the Fuck? How could we possibly come up with something even more evil-diculous? Well trust me, we tried.

First it was like "Hey maybe we could say, if too many asteroids come close we'll blow up the moon." It's got a lot going for it. I mean the explosion would probably break the moon up into lots of other angry asteroids ready to strike us despite having wanted to do nothing but be a big ol' glowin' moon beforehand. So that's good. The problem though, is the moon's far away and there's no people on it. I mean it was want to come up with a ridiculous idea, it's got to involve innocent people, not just innocent moons!

Then we were like "Hey, I know, how bout something preemptive" Everyone loves preemptive. And "there's lots of people in Los Angeles what if they attacked Los Angeles?" Since they'd probably have to be a sleeper cell in LA to attack it (like how they did on that show Sleeper Cell) they might live here already. Sleeper Cells get thirsty so Paul suggested we poison the city's water supply. Willie agreed. "It'll kill lots of other people too. Totally ridiculous. Totally evil." Then Matt chimed in saying "if terrorists had bottled water they might not need to get thirsty." Damn! "Or camels," Paul further added. Because he seemed to recall that "most terrorists carry their water in camels, which seems like a fact that would make them easier to spot but instead nope." So that plan was off.

We sat around tossing more ideas, but no one really knew where to get a Death Star, and then the conversation just degraded to us taking turns suggesting we "wreak havoc," with any noun we thought of and then then word "diabolical" placed in front of it. We didn't know most of the things would work though so that was a problem. I mean, "diabolical magnets," and "diabolical oatmeal," sounded pretty darn evil, but their uses were unclear.

Anyway, we gave up on being more evil than the republicans and instead helped write some youtube shorts that'll start airing in a day or so. We'll let you know when they're up. In the meantime, have a good one America, and stay diabolical!

Location, Location, Damnation

I watched the first half of “Hell-House” the documentary about the Christian ‘haunted house’ where instead of having ghosts and goblins they have abortions and atheists. The Christian’s haunted house seemed much more disturbing than a regular haunted house. Maybe that’s because regular haunted houses don’t have every other scene end with a rape.

Seriously what is it with Christians! The “family violence” scene features rape, one of the interviewees mentions how the abortion scene was about rape and they have a rave scene where a girl gets handed a date rape drug thinking it is ecstasy. Guess what happens.

By the way none of the Christians knew anything about the things they were portraying. In the “occult” scene instead of having a pentagram, they had the Star of David. The guy who was ‘directing’ the rave scene had no idea about what the drugs were even named. How lame are you if you don’t even know what ecstasy is?

How are we supposed to take them seriously when they warn us about something, when they have no idea what that thing is? “Beware of tigers! I’ve heard that if they look at you, you turn to stone. And I think some of them can fly too!”

I want to have a Haunted House that warns you of the dangers of becoming a Christian: Beeeeewarre! If you go to church too often you will become so un-cool that you won’t even realize people are making a documentary about how lame you are!