the great debates of ’08...er ’07 for now i guess

Yesterday we were watching the Republican Debates trying to write jokes about those silly politicians. Holy crap though silly politicians, it sure is hard when you say stuff way eviler than what can even be made up! Representative Tom Tancredo, I'm looking at you the most for this one. That whole thing about defending your idea to get back at terrorists by bombing Mecca? What the Fuck? How could we possibly come up with something even more evil-diculous? Well trust me, we tried.

First it was like "Hey maybe we could say, if too many asteroids come close we'll blow up the moon." It's got a lot going for it. I mean the explosion would probably break the moon up into lots of other angry asteroids ready to strike us despite having wanted to do nothing but be a big ol' glowin' moon beforehand. So that's good. The problem though, is the moon's far away and there's no people on it. I mean it was want to come up with a ridiculous idea, it's got to involve innocent people, not just innocent moons!

Then we were like "Hey, I know, how bout something preemptive" Everyone loves preemptive. And "there's lots of people in Los Angeles what if they attacked Los Angeles?" Since they'd probably have to be a sleeper cell in LA to attack it (like how they did on that show Sleeper Cell) they might live here already. Sleeper Cells get thirsty so Paul suggested we poison the city's water supply. Willie agreed. "It'll kill lots of other people too. Totally ridiculous. Totally evil." Then Matt chimed in saying "if terrorists had bottled water they might not need to get thirsty." Damn! "Or camels," Paul further added. Because he seemed to recall that "most terrorists carry their water in camels, which seems like a fact that would make them easier to spot but instead nope." So that plan was off.

We sat around tossing more ideas, but no one really knew where to get a Death Star, and then the conversation just degraded to us taking turns suggesting we "wreak havoc," with any noun we thought of and then then word "diabolical" placed in front of it. We didn't know most of the things would work though so that was a problem. I mean, "diabolical magnets," and "diabolical oatmeal," sounded pretty darn evil, but their uses were unclear.

Anyway, we gave up on being more evil than the republicans and instead helped write some youtube shorts that'll start airing in a day or so. We'll let you know when they're up. In the meantime, have a good one America, and stay diabolical!

Allegory

I'm gonna post a little Blog that I think we can all use as an allegory... For our lives.

I decided to carpool to work yesterday, to do my part in saving the environment. Once in the car I said to my friend, "Hey it's kinda hot in here, do you mind if I turn on the air conditioner full blast?" (I had already forgotten about the environment thing). Once I did the entire cabin was filled with the scent of horrible, rancid, cheesy, death!

"Oh god!" "Ugh! Turn it off turn it off." "Bleg roll down a window." We reasoned that maybe it was something on the road. Perhaps someone had run over a skunk or something. It was quite hot so we decided to try again after we had driven a little further. But as soon as the air was on, the nauseating, heavy, odor assaulted us again almost as if it was angry at us for trying to make it go away.

"Something must have climbed up into your undercarriage and died" I said. No one was pleased with the prospect of fishing a dead animal out of the air vent.

Once I got to work I could still smell faint traces of it, I had this ghastly image that tiny particles of rancid animal juice had sprayed out of the vent and gotten in my clothes. I did a few laps around the whole office, trying to air myself out. Once back at my desk I could still smell it, stronger this time- and that's when the horrible realization dawned on me.

On my shoe there was a plumb-sized clump of dog poo. It took me over an hour to question my own bizarre theory's about animals in vents, and check my own damn shoe, which I had tromped around the whole office btw.

I went outside and wiped off the overripe poo, where it was immediately assaulted by a plague of flies. Then went back inside and used a paper towel to get it off my chair and from the underside of my desk. There was a lump half-way up the chair leg.

The morel of the story is probably something about "First thou should'st cast out the dog shit from thine own shoe before thou pluckest out the imaginary raccoon from thy neighbors air vent." But I think I'm gonna change it to "PICK UP AFTER YOUR FUCKING DOG, A-TARDS."