What if Cats Were Made of Chocolate?

Photo by Heather Landis

The answer is obvious. Women would consume them during periods of high stress.

Chock-o-Cat! Gives you love and calories!

Who do you think punched that picture? I remember once I had to stay over at someone’s house and the person whose room I was staying in had just gone through a messy breakup. There was the big “We’re Happy!” standard couple photo on the wall. It had been shattered. Depressing.

In real life Debra Rico and Tony Sam, also pictured, (the guy, not the cat) are going to get married. We wish them all the best.

How to Murder Someone

So my girlfriend has been watching a lot of daytime TLC and Oxygen. In case you don’t know, TLC stands for ‘The Learning Channel.’ For a channel about learning, I’ve gotta say it sure has a lot of shows about The World’s Fattest Teenagers, and Little People. But one thing I have defiantly been learning is how to murder someone.

Snapped is a show about women who have snapped. By ‘snapped’ the show means ‘have killed their husbands/boyfriends.’ Watching this show is a great How To about murdering. Naturally they don’t actually say, “Police will check your phone records” but they do say, “Police checked her phone records.” After the forth or fifth time you hear about defensive wounds on the husband’s arms and life insurance policies that were taken out only a few days before you start to pick up on some stuff.

So I don’t know if I should be nervous or not, but she’s forgotten about my peanut allergy a few times.

The Holiday Spirit

I just want to let all you guys know that I'm not going to try to keep the Holiday spirit all year round this year. And do you want to know why? Because I tried it last year and everyone made fun of me! "Nice Santa hat, weirdo!" in March, "Eew how old is this?" when I offer candy canes in September.

Sure we're all on board to "keep the Christmas spirit all year round" when it's December 23rd but when I come to your apartment complex caroling in June, all of a sudden I'm breaking and entering.

And don't give me that crap about "We meant try to keep the spirit of generosity all year round." That's not the holiday spirit, that's called "being nice."

I'm so sick of egg nog.

meeting

After a few minutes, his focus completely shifted to the cup full of peppermints placed at his table, and his effort to grasp one with his mind and hurl it into the gaping maw of Deborah, the much hated company controller. He imagined her feathered 1980's haircut standing on end in fright, as five grams of cellophane-wrapped-breath-freshening-death closed upon her. Despite the unlikelihood of the scenario, he knew if the universe granted him this power, it would be the most productive meeting the company had ever had.