Enemy Mode

Screw it, I’m gonna go backwards!

Hey kids! Are you playing a game that all of a sudden you’ve stopped enjoying? Don’t quit, instead just go into Enemy Mode! What’s Enemy Mode you ask? Enemy Mode is where you continue to play and abide by the rules, while still trying to ruin it for everybody.

Playing Mario Kart and you’re way behind? Simply go into Enemy Mode and run the race backwards! You’re sure to be an obstacle and annoyance for everyone!

Poker night and all of a sudden you just ‘don’t feel like playing anymore’? Don’t politely collect your chips and leave the table! That’s the Adult thing to do. Instead switch to Enemy Mode! Make wild bets, tell some players what cards you have and not others, go all-in every hand! As long as you don’t technically break any of the rules you’re in Enemy Mode!

Playing Risk and you realize you’re probably not going to win? Instead of trying your best and playing the game as it’s meant to be played, ally yourself with another player (particularly if it’s a significant other) and try to end the game as quickly as possible by letting them eliminate you! Not only will you be able to end this game quickly, Enemy Mode assures that you probably won’t be asked to play again!

P.S. Sometimes Enemy Mode is actually awesome.

The Ultimate Weapon

I remember I was playing Risk with a girl who had never played before and we were talking about alliances.

“It's pretty simple,” my friend Jake was explaining, “let's say you and I both know that Chris is going to win unless we work together, we agree not to attack one another for the next two turns so that we keep him from winning.”

Then she asked a simple question, a question that on the face of it seemed perfectly innocent, but it would in fact destroy our entire concept of reality, “What happens if I don't? I mean what if I say I won't attack you, but then I do anyway? And take your cards? What happens then?”

For a few moments there was silence. None of us had ever dreampt such a thing was possible. It was as if, while we were fighting each other each trying to see how we could take over Australia, her secret team of scientists had invented Plutonium. “I- I- guess nothing... I mean there's nothing in the rules.” I tried to chime in, for I had a vision of the horror that was to come “It's kind of unsportsmanlike... I mean we probably won't want to play Risk with you again.”

She was unmoved “Oooh, you mean you won't make me play this boring-three-hour-long-game with you guys again?! Ooooh nooo what a tragedy- I'm attacking Siam.”

And just like that, the first treaty was broken. The face of warfare was forever altered (in Risk) all our old strategies were obsolete (in Risk) and the valor of the glory days was lost to the pages of history (in Risk).

Long story short, she totally won.