FunBox interviews Kiefer Sutherland

FunBox: It's great to have you here Kiefer. How are you?

Kiefer: I’ve killed two people since midnight and I haven't slept in over 24 hours. So maybe you should be a little more afraid of me than you are now.

FunBox: About that, um…some people are saying you've become so involved with the character you play that the two of you have become virtually indistinguishable. What do you tell those who ask about this?

Kiefer: I'm federal agent Jack Bauer and today is the longest day of my life.

FunBox: Yeah, we’re sorry about the half-hour wait setting up for your interview.

Kiefer: I used to be in the military, used to do field work for the CIA. I've been to some horrible places. I've seen some pretty terrible things. I don't think I've ever been this scared in my whole life.

FunBox: Don't worry. Just relax, speak clearly, and if you don't mind, it might be nice to invite people to check out our website.

Kiefer: You have no idea how far I'm willing to go to acquire your cooperation. It'll just be a question of how much you want it to hurt…

FunBox: Um…maybe it’s actually better if you don’t help us with advertising.

Kiefer: …you probably don't think that I can force this towel down your throat. But trust me, I can. All the way. Except I'd hold onto this one little bit at the end. When your stomach starts to digest it, I pull it out, taking your stomach lining with it. For most people it would take about a week to die. It's very painful…

FunBox: Seriously, you can stop in fact, we’re about finished. Thanks Kiefer, Jack, whoever you are. We appreciate your time.

Kiefer: You're a good liar. But I've seen better.

FunBox: Well either way, this interview's certainly been entertaining and we'd love to have you back.

Kiefer: Part of getting a second chance is taking responsibility for the mess you made in the first place.

FunBox: Great then. Well, we'll see you later.

Kiefer: See you in hell.

Television’s Lost Holiday Specials

An NBC Heroes Hanukkah
After deciding to go in together on gifts, Sylar and Peter face off on whether to get everyone 8 small presents or one big one that's really nice. Linderman reveals that his famous matzo ball soup is really store bought, and Claire thanks the Lord for the wondrous deeds of her ancestors.

Xena: Warrior Christmas
When Autolycus, the King of Thieves, steals all the presents in Amphipolis, Xena and Joxer attempt to recover the town's gifts. Meanwhile, a centaur hopes to lure Gabrielle under the mistletoe.

CSI: North Pole
Grissim and Sara question a polar bear who claims innocence for a series of seal maulings. Meanwhile, Hodges discovers a secret about his family while dissecting an arctic ground squirrel.

Lighting of the Redwood Forest Tree: A CBS News Report Apology
Chronical of the unfortunate series of network decisions, which ultimately lead to 17 deaths, billions of dollars in property damage, and countless acres of wildlife being destroyed.

3rd Kwanzaa From The Sun
The Solomons discover an alternative to the existing holiday, which "offers an opportunity to celebrate themselves and history, rather than simply imitate the practice of the dominant society." Sally and Harry take Kuumba (he principle of beautifying their community through creativity) too far when they begin painting artistic nudes on garage doors. Tommy ponders types of common ground within his culture.

Two Guys a Girl and a Christmas Wish
The trio wonders if it being a holiday is sufficient excuse for getting faced on nogg and having a threesome.

December "24"
After posing an elf, Jack infiltrates a cell within Santa's Work Shop which hopes to plant nuclear bombs in American chimneys. Chloe hacks into Ebay to purchase Miles the Nintendo Wii on his list, and Audrey worries that Jack will be too busy killing elves to get back for the CTU gift exchange.

America's Favorite Crisco Christmas Commercials: Brought to You by Crisco
Although it remains a popular brand of shortening throughout the year, Crisco particularly shines during the holiday season: whether it's being used to make cookies for Santa, as a means of shedding water from galoshes and snow shovels, or has just been applied as a sexual lubricant late on a "Silent Night."