Barack Obama, “Don’t fuck this up for me America”

"I need you to not fuck this up America."

In a heartfelt address to supporters in Iowa yesterday, Senator Barack Obama urged Americans to “Not fuck this up for me.” He continued, “I believe we have a righteous wind at our backs and that people are ready for a change. It would be an immense tragedy if we were to fail because someone photo shopped a picture of me shaking hands with Osama Bin Laden or something.”

Obama elaborated on other possible scenarios that might cause him to lose the upcoming presidential race because of what he calls the politics of fear, “In the next few days you’ll probably hear some more wild allegations, like that I’m not technically an American citizen because I was born in Kenya, or that I slept with a prostitute during my senate term, or you’ll hear some Nostradamus quote like, oh I don’t know, ‘He will be of two races and will bring the great city in the west to ruin, consuming the land in fire.’”

At this last statement some members of the crowd clearly became agitated and Obama addressed them directly, “That’s not even a real quote! I made it up just now. See, this is what I’m talking about!” Obama urged his supporters to “Just do me a favor and Check out Snopes.com before you send an email to 100 of your friends with a header like ‘Obama = Antichrist?!?!?!’ Can you do that for me America? Can you be cool?”