Sauron's Blog

2^nd Age 3441 – ARG! Major setback today! Ring was cut from hand by Isildur! Now I can't take physical form until I get it back. :(

Sigh, I remember the days when I could change my form at will. Turning into a giant wolf would be useful right about now. Now I have to be an “unformed spirit”(lame)... Maybe a giant eye? Tomorrow remember to get started on finding that ring.

3^rd age 2463 – Invaded Moria today! Take that Dwarves! Waking up a Balrog was a stroke of genius!

To do:

1. Find that F'ing Ring!(IMPORTANT)

2. Enslave peoples of Middle Earth.

3. Enslave everything else.

4. Rape Tom Bombadil.

3^rd age 2464 – Sick of dealing with Orcs! Every time I turn my back they kill each other. The other day I lost a whole Regiment when they started fighting over meat!
Note to self: Order more meat for troops.
Nazgul are reliable but they're boring, it's all “We shall cover the land in a second darkness my Lord!” and “What does the Eye Command?” I miss Melkor. Also, the very hills have been screaming (and all I did was torture them!)

3^rd age 2570 - Found a neat Giant Spider (Shelob), I've been feeding it Orcs! Where is that Damn Ring?

January 15^th 3019 – Lost a Balrog today, but on the plus side, I think I killed Mithrandir or “Gandalf” as he's calling himself now.

BTW I think Hobbits have the ring. What the Fuck is a Hobbit?

January 16^th: Looked it up, they're like little men! Should get to work on a ring of power to control them. Let's see that would make 3 for elves, 7 for Dwarves, 9 for men, and that should be... 23 for Hobbits. Hmm, poem sounds less ominous now. In meantime, remember to enslave Hobbiton. War to eradicate men is going well!

March 1^st – WHAAAT! Gandalf the White?! He leveled up?! Bullshit! And what happened to the Balrog?! I thought those Fuckers could fly!

Oooh Brainstorm: Flying Nazgul! Brilliant!

March 25^th – There it is! Finally! Oh and it's right here at Mount Doom, that's convenient. Why would Gandalf send them there? I mean the only thing Mount Doom is good for is making rings of power. All they can do is destroy the ring there, not use it to enslave people. Although I guess if they destroyed the ring that would kill me. Oh SHIT!