The only thing that’s happening in the world right now

The only thing that’s happening in the world right now.

Hey there ‘The News’ just stopped by to see what’s happening in the world today can you give me a quick recap?

JACKSON COULD REST WITH THE STARS-

Right thank you I heard about Michael Jackson I was actually wondering about the civil unrest in Iran.

CELEBRITY DEATH RUMORS SPREAD ONLINE-

Yes, yes, I’m sure it’s astonishing how a number of older sick people might die during a heat wave in southern California. I’m really more concerned about North Korea firing missiles into the Sea of Japan. Can they send a Nuke that far?

BBQ COMPETITIONS ARE HOT!

Holy shit Palin Resigned?! How did I not hear about this?

50 HOT NEW WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR MAN!

Hmm, I need to stop getting all my news from Glamor.