Why I Don’t Have a Dog

I don't have a dog but if I did, he'd be magic so I'd name him Presto. I'd teach Presto all sorts of cool tricks, like how to fetch, to sawing a lady in half, and maybe like levitation. Presto would always have your card although sometimes it'd have doggy slobber on it. "How did you know I had the Ace of Spades Presto? You're a good boy! Such a good boy!" Then you'd have to wash off the slobber.

The thing is though, then Presto would start going to far. He'd make the mailman disappear and hypnotize cats so they'd bring him with treats. He'd be so lazy sometimes. I mean, at least conjure the treats your own darn self. Am I right people? Presto sounds really fun, but I think he's a bit too much of a character for me. Anyways, so that's why I don't have a dog.