The Saddest Halloween

I, like most children, loved Halloween. Candy and cross-dressing, what was not to like? Unfortunately, I grew up in the Midwest. Who ever decided that the end of October was the best time to walk outside in tights for a couple hours was sadly mistaken (and probably had to notify his neighbors of his past crimes). It was often the case that we would spend days on our costumes only to have to cover them up with layers of protective clothing to fight off the typical bitter cold and scathing rain. Of course we wouldn’t care, because hey, candy. I can still picture my poor mother standing unhappily, umbrella in hand, waiting to walk us to the next stop. Plus, like most kids, we were dicks and would really throw a fit if our mother would try to eat any of the loot (note to self; send mom snickers bar). One Halloween she decided things would be different.

The local mall was offering a Halloween indoor extravaganza. Games, costume contest, candy, and best of all, no inclement weather. We were not happy about this. We wanted to go with our friends around the neighborhood. However none of our well formed and practical arguments and whines could change her mind. Into the car and off to the mall we went. The night ended up being one of the most miserable memories I had from my childhood (which I guess is a good thing in retrospect). Imagine a long line of costumed kids shuffling sadly along as if they had all been sentenced to death. Each holding bags out to various employees standing in front of their respective stores. Into each bag was dropped one tootsie roll. Let me repeat that. Every store had tootsie rolls. All the spookiness of wandering the night was going. All the excitement of ringing a stranger’s doorbell, gone. Replaced instead with the fun of going to the mall with your mom, and the joy of eating tootsie rolls. Next year I just stayed home and bought myself a bag of candy.