FunBox Blog

4th of July Wrap-Up

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 06:46:00 +0000

***Photo's to be added***

Funbox had a pretty hectic 4th. We started out very traditional, a standard Barbecue. We brought Juggling balls so that Matt could be the 'douche-ie guy at the party.' While there, we were giving off a definite 'we're 30 and Dad's' vibe. I mean, we promised to have a 'board game couples night' (are we going to 'talk about the baby', what is this?)

**Photo to come**

The best part was this tortoise that totally ate like an entire people-sized salad. The tortoise also has a dog that never leaves her (his?) side.

**Picture to come**

Does the dog want to eat the tortoise? Does he want to guard it? Perhaps it's some weird mixture of both Dog emotions.

We had to leave, because we were heading off to what we thought was a swanky Hollywood party to see a film premiere (we were going to schmooze). Here's where it actually was:

**Photo of sketchy looking warehouse**

But the party was sweet. And our friend Asterios was there! We even had an impromptu writing session.

Oh yeah and Wall*E was there being totally high and messed up and scary.

**Fame is bad for him**

Then we left and literally drove through a fireworks display!

The 3rd party was totally college!

**check it out**

There was a moonwalk (smelled like throw-up). We felt like sticking around for a game of 'flip cup' but then realized we weren't nearly 'frat-tacular' enough for the attempt. Besides it was almost 11:30! (bedtime)

Christopher Lowell’s “The Art of War”

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 22:06:00 +0000

A leader leads by example, not by force honey!

Take it from me people; to know your Enemy, you must become your Enemy (that doesn’t mean you have to dress like them though!).

Strategy without tactics is super ultra slow. Tactics without strategy is the noise before the defeat sister!

Make sure to build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across. I know what you’re thinkig, “Gold!” But trust me, it looks fabulous when it’s done.

He who knows when he can fight and when he can’t will be victorious. Sometimes you just got to let him win one ladies!

All warfare is based on deception. That’s why it’s just like my last relationship! I’m terrible!

I can only tell you this one time girls, victorious warriors win first and then go to war, defeated warriors go to war first and then try to win. It just comes across as little bit desperate.

Like my mother always said, to a surrounded enemy, you must leave a way of escape.

It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, know what you like and don’t like. If you’re favorite color is blue, then you gosh darn better have some blue around. At the end of the day war is all about you!

There is no instance of a nation benefitting from prolonged warfare, honey!

Men love it when you pretend inferiority. It will make him putty in your hand and encourage his arrogance on the battlefield.

Oh, How I miss Old Timey Times

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 17:35:00 +0000

I really wish I lived back during History, because back then war used to be a lot more fun. Nowadays, war's all commercial and about killing people, and just getting oil and stuff. But back during History, war used to be a party. Take the Civil War, for example. If you hopped in a time machine and went there, you'd see flags, banners, and musical instruments. Talk about fanfare! I think even the Shriners were stopped by sometimes. You wouldn't know if you were watching a parade or observing the Battle of Antietam!

The general guy would give a pep talk and he'd be like: "Men, you're fighting for your lives. So you'll need your courage and a trumpet." War was mostly just a big junior varsity football game of honor back then, (during History).

I'm glad our leaders didn't live back during History though, because then I'd be scared to be a musician. What if someone didn't like my band? Well then, they'd probably just say my instruments were intended for war, and declare me a threat to national security. "We've discovered stores of drums, and our experts suspect they've been conducting a coronet-testing program for some time!" Also, they would say that the only kind of "King," B.B. could be was a King of Terror.

Still, it would only be dangerous for some musicians. Only certain instruments seem to be associated with violence: drums, flutes, horns…well basically anything that's percussion and all the wind instruments. Except the obo. Because ain't nobody fuckin' with a man who has an obo.

I wonder if they field tested other instruments back then. Like one day you'd be at your village minding your own business and suddenly Vikings would be ravaging the crap out of your hut while banging on xylophones. Or maybe sometime you'd be caravaning with your silk on the Mongolian plains and then Genghis Kahn would suddenly attack you with his ska band.

Rumor has it that Sun Tszu's, "Art of War," was actually inspired by his love for British trip-hop, but I don't know if that's true. All I know is that's why I really wish I lived back during History.

SUSPENSE!

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 19:04:00 +0000

I was sitting at a table looking at a glass of water that was on the table. I picked it up and took a drink of some of the water that was in the glass. Suddenly the door to the restaurant where I was burst open inwards because some people were pushing on it very hard and trying to open it. They succeeded and came into the restaurant. They had guns! One of the men pointed his gun at me and pulled the trigger. A bullet shot out! Fortunately for me the bullet flew past me and didn’t hit me. He missed!

I lifted up the edge of the table and turned the table over so that if they shot more bullets at me the bullets would hit the table and not hit me. I heard the sound of more bullets hitting the table. It was a good plan to make a shield, but it wouldn’t last for long. Soon the men with guns would come far enough around the table and be able to shoot at me without the table in between us. Who were these men? Why were they trying to kill me? Did it have anything to do with my dark past? These were all questions I didn’t have time to ask myself because at the time I was more worried about not being shot by bullets from guns.

An American Girl: Why Kit Kittredge Creeps Me out.

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 22:46:00 +0000

As I have been driving around town lately, I have spotted on several occasions the poster for "Kit Kittredge: An American Girl." For those of you who don't know, this movie is based on the popular American Girl line of dolls. Each doll focuses on a particular time period in American history. Apparently Kit comes from the terrifyingly creepy part.
Does this poster freak anyone else out? Every time her cold lifeless eyes stare at me I get chills. And it's not that I have anything against Abigail Breslin. I loved her in "Little Miss Sunshine." So what was wrong with this poster that it made me want to cut out my eyes rather than look at it again?

I took a closer look.

Death! Kit Kittredge uses her binoculars to seek out the death of all of humanity! Run! Run! Before she sends her hell hound after you!

Thoughts on the Big Move...

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 19:01:00 +0000

Ever think that life and work were just too stressful? I did. That's why I recently quit my job and moved in with my girlfriend. Some people may find it odd that my plan to resolve stress was become unemployed and then begin living with a chick I've only known for like six months, but keep in mind, we're in love and she has DirecTV

So lately I'd been going through all my stuff and throwing most of it away. Looking back, it's nice to know I spent the past five years living with what I decided this week was mostly garbage. To be fair though, anything can be justified as garbage when the alternative is having to haul it. "Wait, I either pick this up, take it to a car, take it out of the car, and then figure out a new place of it to go, or I can just put it in this brown plastic bag?" " Bye box of pictures of life changing events in my personal history. Sorry, that's just too much carrying!" Actually it's a good thing I don't have a baby or any caged pets. My new place is on the second floor, and I hate carrying things up steps.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'm now living stress free and unemployed with a blonde-haired woman I recently met, and the only possessions I still own are a couple of shirts and a filing cabinet. I wish some of my old pants fit in that cabinet.

INTERNET POSTCARD #3

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 20:02:00 +0000

Zion National Park/Bryce Canyon

There sure are a lot of warning signs in national parks. Why shouldn't you climb out onto the cliffs? “Last year a man fell to his death when he climbed onto an outcropping for a picture.” Is it important to keep drinking water because we're in the dessert? “4 months ago a jogger in the canyon died from heat prostration because he didn't drink enough water.” Why shouldn't you feed the animals? “A five year old child was kicked to death by a deer wen he refused to relinquish his sandwich.” “Later the deer had to be shot.” I'm not embellishing these signs, here's one about flash floods. “Anyone caught in this would quickly be battered to death against the rocks. YOU CANNOT SURVIVE THE TORRENT!”

I think I might be detecting a slight pattern here.

What's funny to me is the arms race between the park service and assholes. “Don't feed the animals.” Wasn't good enough, they had to upgrade to, again not kidding, “Ground squirrels have fleas that may carry bubonic plague” There's also an Orwellian civilian spy program in full swing, “$100 Fine for Feeding Animals- Report Violators”

It's only a matter of time before rangers, disguised as plainclothes chipmunks, approach hikers and beg them for peanuts. I always ask Coyotes, “You're not a cop right? You know you have to tell me if you are?”

Lincoln Vs Time Traveler

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 19:14:00 +0000

Stupid Fairy Tale Legal System

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 18:03:00 +0000

I recently bought a large bag of apples which I keep at work. Lately however, I've begun to suspect that my boss is eating them. I don't want to ask him because my suspicions could be wrong, and after all, they're only apples. I mean it's not like they're made of silver or something.

Yesterday, I was thinking maybe I could just slip a poison apple into the bag and that'd be a good way to find out if he's guilty. Then I realized, when he bit into it, he'd probably just fall asleep and turn into a princess. A handsome prince would come save him and they'd both end up living in a total plush castle.

So poison's out. There's no way I want him scoring a handsome prince outta eating my friggin apples.

INTERNET POSTCARD #2

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 17:31:00 +0000

Las Vegas!

So far we've eaten dinner and attempted to learn '3 card poker' here's a transcript from my first attempt.

Me: I don't know how to play. I hope you'll teach me.

Dealer: Sure! Just put down $10 (She gestures towards 3 rectangles on the table).

Me: Ok!

Dealer: No $10 on each, that's the minimum bet.

Me: 30 Dollars! I don't have that kind of money! Do I look like a chump to you?!

Things went downhill fast after that. (They don't like it when you bring a laptop to the table)

Stay tuned for our next installment titled, 'Here in Nevada we hate the earth, and we have always sought to destroy it, that's part of the reason there's no recycling.'

INTERNET POSTCARD #1

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 17:22:00 +0000

Funbox is going to take a break from it's regularly scheduled Blog (Flossing 101 – Lesson 1: My Mouth is Full of Blood!) Instead we're sending you an Internet postcard from a Recreational Vehicle parked just outside of beautiful Las Vegas Nevada!

As I type this I'm watching my Father figure out how to empty the septic system. I'm not sure how well it's going but my brother just doubled over and ran away.

Yes, with an RV you can have all the comforts of home without the pesky inconveniences of modern sanitation and safety.

Here at the RV park, every motor home has a tiny puddle of water under it that's vaguely unsettling, but we didn't come here for to see the RV park, we came here for the excitement that is Las Vegas (only a 20 minute cab ride away!) Our next Internet postcard will be from inside a Casino!

Salmonella Tomato Source Found

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 21:41:00 +0000

"Man buying Tomatoes"

After an extensive search the U.S. F.D.A has discovered the source for the recent outbreak of Salmonella that has been affecting 16 different states.

"Moments Before Man Bought Tomatoes"

OMG LOL Hillary + Obama '08?

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 18:02:00 +0000

Inside this month's Voter Beat:

Shhhh! Can you keep a secret? Mike Huckabee can’t! He couldn’t wait to spill ALL of his love secrets to Voter Beat! Does Mike believe in love at first sight? What does he look for in a crush? Does his wife approve of his girlfriends? He answers all these burning questions and more in this month’s issue, and he's also signed a tank top for one lucky reader! Can you say Oh My(ike) Huckabee?

Ever wanted a chance to go behind scenes at with John McCain as he speaks at a Disabled American Veteran’s Hall? Look inside! One lucky reader will hit the campaign trail with John, where they’ll “get out the vote,” and get to make hundreds of phone calls every day! Plus John spills secrets about his experience in a Vietnamese POW camp, and tells us why his parents embarrass him! (Even though they’re long dead!)

How bout more cool prizes? Hillary Clinton signed a program from her Augsburg College debate with Barack Obama! Plus, I know you’ve definitely dreamed of being a superdelegate right? Well, then you’ll definitely want to enter our “Be a Superdelegate for a Day,” contest. One lucky reader will get to go to the national party convention of their choice and get the star treatment before they cast their vote for America’s future. Get all the deets on how to win in the magazine!

It’s no secret that Barack Obama is probably the most famous 40-something in Washington D.C. How does he stay grounded? How does he make time for his friends. Does he have any pets? These questions and more answered inside!

Swingtown: A Show about your Parents Fucking

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 20:12:00 +0000

Apparently we're getting all our images from Perez Hilton now.

Hey! You know what would be great? A show starring people that remind you of old pictures of your parents and it’s about them fucking each other! That’s the premise for the terrible new show, Swingtown.

Ostensibly the show is supposed to explore the strange world of the 70’s and its sexual revolution. At first glance this seems like a great premise, until you realize that we are already living in a second, better, sexual revolution. It’s difficult to get a hard-on about Dads wife swapping, when shows like The L Word, and shit, even Sex in the City, are around.

PILOT: The whole show sounds like a rambling anecdote told by your aunt about that “one crazy night” back in the 70’s. That’s how my cousin Eric was conceived!

Susan Miller (Molly Parker) and husband Bruce (Jack Davenport) are moving. Are they moving to an exotic new world?! No. They are moving to a better house a few blocks away. Susan’s good friend and neighbor Janet (Miriam Shor) is pretty broken up about it. Is it because Janet and Susan are secretly lovers?! No. They’re just good friends and Janet’s going to miss her. Where’s the sex?

Meanwhile, troubled teen Samantha (Brittany Robertson) gets on her bike in the pouring rain, loaded down with a backpack. Is she running away from her train wreck of a mother?! No. Her mom asks her to buy more tin foil at the store, and she does. Tin foil, fascinating!

Samantha is squatting in the empty house the millers are moving into. Susan and Bruce come home feeling frisky. Is Samantha going to creepily watch them having sex?! Are the Millers going to catch this teenager spying on them?! No. They’re interrupted when the doorbell rings. Janet and her husband Roger (Josh Hopkins) show up with leftovers from the barbeque! What a twist!

At least the four of them are headed over to Tom and Trina’s (Grant Show and Lana Parrilla) house. Trina gives Susan a Quaalude. Is she going to get all messed up and make a mistake?! No, it just makes her feel good. Tom and Trina ask the Millers if they want to join their foursome (Finally!). Is this going to destroy their marriage?! Is one of them going to be more into it than the other?! No. It just ‘Strengthens their relationship.’ NOTHING HAPPENS! The most interesting thing is a 4-way that happens off screen.

Oh by the way the Miller’s son BJ (Aaron Howles) catches Samantha sneaking back into his room to retrieve a necklace. When he questions her she says, “Mind your own business.” Um Samantha, you’re the one spying, breaking and entering. Their daughter Laurie (Shanna Collins) decides to break up with her dumb boyfriend to pursue her hunky teacher (Michael Rady) he likes Bob Dylan *swoon.* Laurie is reading Kierkegaard for Cirssakes! She hasn’t figured out that she doesn’t like dumb guys yet?

Verdict: No one is hot (Realistic 70’s style makeup and dress = gross). No one is interesting (Why invent new characters when you can rely on flat overused ones like Troubled teen, Dysfunctional Mom, Unsatisfied wife, Intellectual Girl and Crushable teacher). No one is Gay (yet). You can’t see fucking (it’s on CBS). And nothing happens. B-

I’m just kidding F (Please see me!)

Satan's Living Room

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 23:38:00 +0000

So to finally settle all the forum arguments once and for all:

Yes, that was FunBox's very own Will on Fox's Hell's Kitchen last night.

Do you hear that knocking? That's stardom banging on our door. Why don't I just go let him in. Oh look, he brought his best friends fame and fortune too.

"Hey guys, I bet if I complain we'll totally get on TV."

It was a fun night. Gordon was yelling in the kitchen and we weren't getting served. Basically how you would expect service to go in Hell's Kitchen. The less fun part was all the tables around us got food. We were left to sit there and much on bread (very good bread mind you). All about the room were moans of "mmm, this is so good. I've never had _____ this good before." You could hear all our hearts shatter simultaneously when we heard Gordon bellow from the kitchen "Shut it Down!"

We had been there five hours and only had eaten a couple morsels of bread. When the room was clearing out though, we noticed that on the empty table next to ours was sitting a virtually untouched piece of cake. We quickly looked at each other wondering if we dared, but the hunger in our eyes said it all. We reached over and grabbed the cake and hurriedly tore it to shreds carefully avoiding the spot where the previous owner had sampled. Delicious.

The episode can viewed on Hulu. My scene is about 26 minutes in.

Indiana’s Whip and Other Great Films with Unusual Weapons

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:20:00 +0000

Indiana Jones has a whip in his new movie, and he uses that whip to fight guns. And oh yeah guys, spoiler alert on this one, the whip totally beats the guns by whipping them out of the bad guy's hands! Here are some other adventure movies and how they make use of unusual or alternative weapons.

Yukon Dave and the Fiefdom of Lost Blimps
In Fiefdom, Yukon faces The Lords of the Underground, all of whom have missiles. Lucky for Davey that he has his trusty belt sander. Final score: Missiles: Zero, Belt Sander: Victorious.

Insomniators
Hopelessly trapped in the land between consciousness and dream, Dan Rothman, must fight the evil that is inside him (as represented by several big snakes who always want to bite him) good thing he has his trusty mace and mobile gallows.

Red Demon: Night Hunter
George Takei defeats the devil using the power of love.

When Harry Met Sally: The Voyage Home
During the third pirate attack, Sally wields a giant pelican’s beak to swallow the Pirate King. Meanwhile, Billy Crystal uses his magic pen to draw things which fall on people’s heads like in the cartoons.

Conversations at Home that Were Accidental Haikus

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Fri, 30 May 2008 18:32:00 +0000

April 17^th Hummingbird sighting:

Look a Hummingbird!
…Aww you missed it. It was great.
It’s back! Right there! Look!

Conversation about milk:

“Are we out of milk?”
“Um, I just bought some last week.”
“I think we’re out.”

How can you not know?
We’re either not out of milk
or we’re out of milk.

The Tao of DK:

In Mario Cart
I always pick Donkey Kong
No one else likes him.

A Drive in the Country

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Wed, 28 May 2008 23:38:00 +0000

“Well Ma, what do you say to a nice drive in the country?”

“I don’t feel much like it Pa.”

“Aw come on Ma, it’s a beautiful day. The sun is sunning and there t’aint a cloud in the whole gosh gum sky.”

“It is nice out Pa. But I just don’t think I can… not after what happened.”

“I told you Ma. That was a mistake. We all make mistakes. Why just last week you put three sugars in my coffee instead of two. I forgave you.

“That’s not the same thing as killing a man Pa.”

“Now Ma, we don’t know that he’s dead. He was still moving when we left. It was his own fault really if you think about it some. Standing so close to the road. It was a wonder that he hadn’t been hit by ten or so cars by then.”

“I can still see his face. It haunts me.”

“We probably did him a favor. Why no man out in the country alone like that could be up to any good. Why I’m sure if we hadn’t hit him, he would have asked to. When you think about it like that, it’s practically neighborly. Plus, if you picture the whole thing with a funny jig playing, and a slide whistle sliding, I’ll bet you won’t be able to stop yourself from smiling.”

“I still think we should tell someone Pa. What if he had a family. I bet they’re mighty worried.”

“Now why would you say something like that Ma. There’s no reason to go and start talking crazy like.”

“What are you doing with that wrench Pa?”

“You’re not making any sense Ma. You need to calm down some. Let Pa make things all better.”

“Pa. Please Pa. No! I won’t tell. I won’t tell Pa. Please.”

“You’ll be a good girl Ma?”

“I’ll be good. Please. I’ll be good.”

“All right Ma, forget about the country. What do you say to getting a big scoop of ice cream down at the drug store?”

Gentle Sobs

NASCAR Vows to Support Nation’s Troops by Continuing to Burn World’s Fuel Resources

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Tue, 27 May 2008 18:17:00 +0000

AP/ FunBoxComedy.com

DAYTONA BEACH, FL -- Despite rising fuel costs, and concerns surrounding fossil fuel shortages, NASCAR assured fans this week, that the organization will continue depleting international fuel reserves. “With the world’s resources becoming more and more and scarce, we think it’s important to use them as quickly as possible before they go away,” said NASCAR spokesman Jim Hunter. “A lot of American troops are our fans. We owe it to them to quickly burn what they’re fighting for.”

Sergeant, Tom Degrassi, is among the thankful fans. “I’ve lost several men in firefights, and each time I’ve wondered: will the heavy, heavy mortal price we’ve paid taking these strategic locations ultimately keep secure enough resources for New Zealander Scott Dixon to win the Indianapolis 500? Fortunately, this year, the answer was yes.”

In hopes of continuing its trend of consuming precious commodities, NASCAR is looking at ways for its vehicles to also evaporate drinking water. “We feel the next big wars will be fought over potable resources, and they’ll be another great way for fans to participate,” Hunter said. “We’re the only sport that really gives supporters something to fight for.”

Man Gives Winning NBA Draft Lottery Ticket to Waitress

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Fri, 23 May 2008 17:54:00 +0000

Talk about generous tippers! When Steve Schanwald, the Chicago Bulls' executive vice president of business operations who represented the team at the 2008 NBA Draft Lottery, scored the first overall pick to this year’s entry draft, so did Debra Rabbing a Secaucus, New Jersey waitress who sold him eggs that morning.

“When he came in for breakfast, he was pretty down,” said Rabbing. “I told him his Bulls still had a 1.7% chance at winning and maybe he should just be more hopeful. Then he rolled his eyes, and mumbled something about giving me the pick if he won because he didn’t have cash for a tip. When I found out I won I was so excited I called him immediately!”

Schanwald seemed less enthusiastic. “I made a joke. What the fuck? What the fuck is she going to do with a basketball draft pick?”

Rabbing says she’s carefully considering her selection and has narrowed the field to either Kansas State Forward Michael Beasley or Derrick Rose, a point guard from Memphis. “As a single mother, I think either one of them would be very helpful with my kids and around the house. They’re both fine young men.”

Full House: The Motion Picture

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Wed, 21 May 2008 23:37:00 +0000

The well of new and fresh ideas has dried up long ago, or at least it has if you are a film producer. With more and more small screen classics making the jump to the big screen (Sex in the City, Fraggle Rock, Speed Racer, The A-Team) Funbox would like to present its contribution to this trend –

Full House: The Motion Picture

Daniel Tanner had it all; A loving wife, three beautiful daughters, and he was about to crack the biggest scandal of his reporting career. But exposing the truth comes with a price, and now the mayor and the Triad gangsters who fund his corruption are out to take Daniel and his family down before his story can see the light of day. When Daniel comes home to find his wife murdered and his three daughters kidnapped, the cops turn a blind eye and Daniel has no choice but to turn to his drug addled wannabe rock star brother-in-law Jesse for help. Meanwhile, the three Tanner girls, D.J., Stephanie, and Michelle, desperately try to escape the Triads with the help of the hilarious taxi driver, “Uncle Joey” who finds himself caught up in the middle of a harrowing adventure that none of them will ever forget.

Mega Man Box Art

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Mon, 19 May 2008 21:10:00 +0000

How much does Mega Man look like a Dad in this picture?

What I love best about the Mega Man box art is how unlike Mega Man, Mega Man is for at least 3 of the titles. They’re still trying to pass the game off as if it’s an awesome Tron-like world Where Mega Man is a slightly pudgy dude with a gun. Look how seriously he’s taking this! We’re not even going to talk about the cover for Mega Man 1.

WTF?!

Don't get me wrong though, these games were sweet, I don’t care what other people say I was totally unphased by the robot made out of a log called ‘Wood Man.’ Leaf shield was awesome and besides it’s no weirder than a robot based on wind.

Yes we know that in the Japanese versions he’s sometimes called Rockman, and we know that this is just the North American art, please don’t try to out-nerd us.

Things Overheard at a Student Art Show

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Fri, 16 May 2008 20:44:00 +0000

All of the following are real conversations faithfully transcribed.

Please to enjoy:

Stomach

Guy with a Fauxhawk: Next time though, I really want to make it more shocking.

Girl with a lot of tattoos: Well we could always do "Stomach."

Guy with an ironic shirt: What's 'Stomach?'

Guy with a Fauxhawk: That's the one where we use that cement tubing, paint it pink, drill holes in it and lead everyone into a central chamber. And wait until someone realizes that it's a model of a human stomach. As soon as someone says the word 'stomach' we spray water through the holes at them.

Girl with a lot of tattoos: With acid.

Guy with a Fauxhawk: Yeah there's a lot of acid in the water.

Guy with an ironic shirt: And then what happens?

Guy with a Fauxhawk: We go to jail probably.

Girl with a lot of tattoos: It's part of the piece.

Guy with an ionic shirt: I love it.

You've never heard of The Cremaster Cycle?

Boyfriend: This one reminds me of The Cremaster Cycle.

Way cute Girlfriend: Hmm?

Other Girl: I know right? Its like, 'Ok, we get it, you like Matthew Barney.'

Boyfriend: Ha ha. I saw a huge exhibit on that at the Guggenheim actually. It was pretty great. I didn't know it was about testicles though, until I'd been there for about an hour and a half.

Other Girl: Ha ha! It's all about balls dude!

Way cute Girlfriend: What are you guys talking about?

Other Girl: Did you know he's like practically married to Bjork?

Boyfriend: I thought they just lived together.

Other girl: They have a kid I think.

Way cute Girlfriend: Wait, go back, what is this?

Boyfriend: I'm breaking up with you.

An 'A' For Effort

Probably a Teacher: It's too bad we weren't able to get it to spin.

Female Student: I'm surprised how many people were upset by it. It's totally tongue in cheek.

Probably a Teacher: Controversy is good. Controversy sells.

Female student: I guess…Have you ever seen Deepthroat?

Probably a Teacher: You don't want to call something 'beauty, that's a 4 letter word around here- The Watergate thing or the porno?

Female student: Either.

What this Summer's Blockbusters can Teach us About Ourselves -

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Wed, 14 May 2008 22:10:00 +0000

Iron Man

Plot: While in captivity, industrialist Tony Stark (Downey) creates a high-tech suit of armor which he first uses to fight his way to freedom, and then to prevent a dark-minded scientific genius from carrying out his nefarious plot against humankind.

Meaning: The amour represents man’s desire to keep a distance from his fellow man, while Robert Downey Jr. represents man’s desire for men.

Made of Honor

Plot: Tom (Dempsey) is a consummate ladies' man. Hannah (Monaghan) is his best friend and the one constant in his life. But when Hannah leaves town for a six-week business trip, allowing Tom to realize his love for her runs deeper than he ever knew, how does he deal with conveying his feelings -- especially when she returns with an engagement ring on her finger, and a request for him to be in her wedding?

Meaning: With the modern world’s gender roles continuing to blur as we progress in this technological age, this film address the brand new issue of can men and woman just be friends? In the end, they prove that men and women must bone if they want to talk to each other.

What Happens in Vegas…

Plot: Joy (Diaz) and Jack (Kutcher) meet while on a Las Vegas bender, where their drunken nuptials are only part of a larger problem: What to do when Jack wins $3 million with Joy's quarter, and they are forced to spend six months as wife and husband if they are to see a penny of their winnings.

Meaning: Greed should never supplant the needs of the ones emotional self. Material goods can not provide the happiness that forced marriage can.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Plot: The Pevensie children return to Narnia one year after their first adventure in the magical land. Soon after entering the kingdom, however, they learn that 1,000 years has passed here, and all is not well since an evil king ascended to the throne. The children and allies both, old and new, band together to help restore the kingdom to its rightful heir, Prince Caspian (Barnes).

Meaning: Imagination and the willingness to hope are often seen as childish, but it is these qualities that allow children to overcome diverse obsticales. As adults we too could do with a dose of optimism in the face of adversity. Also, Jesus is a lion.

Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Plot: Famed archaeologist/adventurer Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones (Ford) is called back into action to stop a Soviet plot to uncover and use ancient artifacts in order to take over the world.

Meaning: Hiding the past away will not help us have a secure future. We must uncover our own personal “relics” and gain control over what curses they might have imposed upon our lives. Only then will we have the strength to punch our own personal “Soviet Spies” in the face.

Sex and the City

Plot: Set four years after we last saw the ladies, Carrie (Parker), Samantha (Cattrall), Miranda (Nixon), and Charlotte (Davis) negotiate their friendships, romances, and careers in New York City. At the center of it all is Carrie's pending nuptials to Mr. Big (Noth).

Meaning: Ask your girlfriend. She’ll explain it to you.

The Incredible Hulk

Plot: Geneticist Bruce Banner (Norton) takes flight in order to understand -- and hopefully cure -- that the condition that turns him into a monster. Complicating his situation is the military initiative that wants him captured and controlled, as well as the arrival of a more-deadly nemesis: The Abomination.

Meaning: Life deserves second chances. Sure something may have caused you pain in the past, but that’s no reason not to try again. I mean, it might be good this time. Right?

The Love Guru

Plot: Pitka (Meyers) an American raised outside of his country by gurus, returns to the States in order to break into the self-help business. His first challenge: To settle the romantic troubles and subsequent professional skid of a star hockey player (Malco) whose wife left him for a rival lover (Timberlake) before the NHL Stanley Cup.

Meaning: The same meaning as Austin Powers.

The Dark Knight

Plot: The Caped Crusader (Bale) teams ups with Gotham's Lieutenant Jim Gordon (Oldman) and District Attorney Harvey Dent (Eckhart) to take on the city's newest villain -- The Joker (Ledger).

Meaning: Escalations of conflict only causes more conflict. The only true way to end a fight is to kill someone (or the person who plays them).

Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D

Plot: A geologist (Fraser) on a special mission with his son (Hutcherson) discovers the entrance into a previously unseen world.

Meaning: See you are the Earth, and sometimes you need to journey to the center of yourself. You are also probably full of dinosaurs. The 3-D represents your mother’s love.

* Movie summaries from IMDB.com

Greatest Villain Baseball Cards of All Time

noreply@blogger.com (FunBox Comedy) — Mon, 12 May 2008 18:29:00 +0000

1987 Topps Ivan Drago - In 1987, Topps paid tribute to the greatest boxing villain of all time by releasing a special edition card found one in every 36 packs. Drago, now retired after his defeat at the hands of Rocky Balboa (who single-handedly crushed communism in the process), was set to sign a limited run of of the cards, but plans were scuttled after protests from Apollo Creed's estate.

1977 Topps Gay Darth Vader - Not as popular with their young male audience as Topps hoped, the card nevertheless marked a seminal moment in the company's history as it was the first all glossy release of a regular series card.

1972 Topps Squirrelator - Squirrelator is more powerful than all the birds in the woods. He will steal your nuts!